A Minute to Myself (118)
A Minute to Myself (119)

The Soap Opera Continues

Just a sad little run-down on why I feel so run-down. (Monday version)

My parents were here for a day, which was lovely, but ex got to exhibit his more childish-vindictive side. He kept closing my door (when I wasn’t in it), by now standard practice for him. Then, after my closet door slammed (which he just does not abide, tsk tsk tsk) he took a chair (I am surmising here because no one saw the act occur) and started banging on the floor above the room in the basement where my parents sleep when they come to visit me. Yes, a full-grown man, a lawyer, a financial consultant, an ex-army officer, who wears a suit and shirts with cufflinks, was banging on the floor to annoy my parents and me.

I went to the dentist today to continue the extremely expensive work that the root canal guy started last week. Yes, I am thrilled that I am not in pain, but it is not good to almost choke down tears in a dentist’s office when you are told the price of the treatment.

The visit to the dentist was a couple of hours after the heat pump guy came to fix the heat pump, which I had no intention of paying for because I paid for the repair in full in the spring because he just never got around to paying me his 50%. And he had my older daughter relay this message to me—that I need to pay 50%. And I had to stand there in front of the heat pump guy and my daughter and my parents and try not to have a complete meltdown screaming that I don’t need to pay anything. But what does it matter? If I didn’t pay the 50%, he would just not pay some college application fees or other such thing for my older daughter (no question here about younger daughter, he never paid his 50% for the Bat Mitzvah, it was more like 30%) and I would end up paying for it because I cannot let her not apply to the colleges she wants to because her father is such a bastard. (My father looked at me askance when I said that I would not toy with her applications. But hey, I know who to stand up to, don’t I?)

But I would not speak to him. She was actually standing there with her red cell phone telling me that he wants to speak to me, but I could see no reason to talk to him—or have him spurt sounds at me. So I said that I do not want to speak to him, and refused. Petulant? I think not. Taking a goddamn stand.

And when I got the email from the realtor that he told her that he and I would talk about the $2,000 worth of repairs that need to be done before the house would possibly tantalize someone, I replied with a list of my approved repairs and said that I do not plan to speak to him. Ever. Slime. How he manages to look at himself in the mirror and say, “You are the good guy and she is a leech,” I have no idea, because I only see tired eyes and chin hairs when I look at myself. And the gray that I thought was so cute, now I’m beginning to think that my daughter is right, it makes me look old. What doesn’t? 

Oh, and I’ve been whining on Momocrats about Caroline Kennedy, that I wish I were her. She married a nice Jewish boy; I just got the Jewish boy part. Oh, I really need to sit on a mental beach and relax.

And tomorrow it is back to work after this stress-free day off which I took to be with my parents and to prevent ex from having alone time with my parents. Last time that happened he said that he would call the police on my father for trespassing. I have a few parents who are upset with me—I just don’t seem to get their sons. Well, yeah, I don’t appreciate a 14-year-old calling my decision “stupid” and then broadcasting that to the class, or sleeping in class and then whining that he got a zero on the assignment that we did while he drooled.

Okay, I really need to imagine that beach. There will be sand so soft and warm that it is a smoother towel than any towel. There will be gentle waves that tantalize with their gentle repetition of beckoning. The sun’s warmth will caress the chill out of my mind and body. That is all I want.

For now.

P.S. Somehow I forgot the letter from the electric company. The "turn off" notice because he has not been paying his 50% of the bills and the extra letter that said that now we need to pay a two-months downpayment because we are so behind. Yes, I read that letter about ten minutes before the heat pump guy came. Amazing the things you can forget.  



That's just too much misery to fit in one day, my friend.

I just read your comments on Momocrats (going to have to spend some time over there). It's funny, it made me think of a conversation I had with Steve last night. We were watching the news and found out that Caroline Kennedy is the "Caroline" in the Neil Diamond song "Sweet Caroline." Steve said, "Wait. She can't be senator AND have a Neil Diamond song named after her. That's too much for one person." I thought it was funny. Wealth and fame do have their privileges.

Any time you wanna go to the beach, I'll hook you up. We have nice beaches here.


Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. :)

That sounds like a hell of day. Divorce is tough, that's for sure. Sounds like a perfect time to take deep breaths and go to your beach.

April McCaffery

Oh, honey, I wish I knew what to say. There just are no words to suffice.


You need that beach NOW. My goodness that is so much to deal with. A person can only deal with so much before they have to just stop and say enough is enough. We have to, to keep our sanity. I am sorry that all this is coming at once. I am glad that you are standing up to him. You don't have to talk to him. He is toxic and still trying to infect you. It's really sad but I have known men and women, that behave just like your ex and my ex, and they are all unhappy people(deep down)and try to make everyone around them miserable. Something I find, that all these people have in common, is their need to control and when they lose the control, they make you pay.

Hope tomorrow is much better. Be good to yourself. Yay for standing up for yourself!


Your ex-husband lives in the house too? You poor thing. I think I know some really good beaches...

Nothing Fancy

Oh dear Lord. I didn't realize that the ex lives in the house. How awful. The beach sounds really really good.


Whoa....sounds this grown man, lawyer, retired military officer ex of yours needs an attitude adjustment.....


I'm with Slick. Dang. It sounds like, in spite of everything, you're still trying to do what's best for your kids - truly awesome.

Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

JC, I really need it to stop because I am beginning to feel like a volcano that is going to implode.

Caroline Kennedy, yeah, well, some people get a good snowball rolling up their hill and some people get a bad snowball rolling down their hill.

Beaches, last year I went to the beach for a weekend. I thought I needed to walk along the water, when in fact I needed to sleep on the sand under the sun--for hours.

Christine, I guess it's better to have a day when it pours rather than an everyday trickle.

April, those words of yours worked pretty well, thanks.

Lori, how true about the controllers. The minute I said I want a divorce, the absolute nastiness emerged.

I gave myself a break this evening and went retro. I cooked a lovely meal, complete with chocolate cake and frosting (nothing from a box or a can). And both of my daughters like it--all. He can't take me away from me for too long.

phhhst, and in the master bedroom too. What a hollow shell of a man. Oh, how I wish I could be on one of those beaches now. Living in NYC and then in Israel, I would go to the beach wheneer I wanted to get away from it all, I so miss that now. What is it about the beach that enables me to clear myself?

NF, did someone say economic recovery? I am so looking forward to selling this spacious house and moving to my own little place.

Slick, uh, yeah. But I think he is beyond that, he has never shown an ounce of remorse for anything that has transpired. Simple hope here, that he finds a new woman and invests his energy on her, not me.

goodfather, thanks. I didn't even think of that. How can I make my daughters pay even more for what we have wrought?


Sounds like your ex is a very nasty passive aggressive. Don't buy into his game playing. To me it sounds as though you've been running yourself ragged trying to do the right thing by everyone, and you really need to look after yourself. Don't just say you need a beach...go there!!!And if you really can't go there physically go there in your mind. Take a few minutes out. Take some deep breaths and be at that beach.

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