A Minute to Myself (162)
A Minute to Myself (163)

Getting Up-to-Date

A coincidence, times two. I went to the neighborhood supermarket yesterday and who do I see? My realtor, the very woman I said to myself as I got into my car to drive to the supermarket that I need to speak to. So I did. A few aisles later I looked up from my perusals and there was the previous realtor. I saw him see me and then turn and walk away from the aisle I had apparently made poisonous. We changed realtors because he didn’t sell the house. But honestly, he could never get exman to agree to change the price and so the house never sold because it was priced too high because these realtors are all optimists. And they listened to exman’s analysis as if he knows anything about real estate. Now, well, now the newest realtor is facing his obstinacy and delaying tactics, and has started singing the same “but exman thinks this and exman thinks that” bullshit that has led me further into this tunnel with a light somewhere, very, very far away.

Speaking of home repairs. The newest realtor is now dealing with exman who will not commit to doing any repairs and whining about the ones that she suggests be done. We are both committed to spending $1,000 each on the repairs and so far we have only spent $300 between the two of us. All of a sudden he’s saying the condenser repair that we did a couple of months ago should be included in that. And he’s always too busy to get back to the realtor about which repairs he will pay for, and he is remarking that much of it doesn’t need to be done, we should just wait for the right buyer who will buy the house without those repairs. Stupid little man—have you not noticed that that strategy has not worked for almost two years! But me, I’ve had it. I told the realtor to go ahead with the repairs I told her I would pay for and I had her relay that information to him. Get the handyman was my big message at the supermarket meeting. Enough already. No one wants to do your dishes anymore and no one wants to smell the food you make.

And on the topic of men who are not really men at all. On Tuesday pseudo-man sent me an email after more than a month of silence; a silence which I expected to last forever. And now that I am a woman who is acting on her instincts and one who is also not so desperate for sex and to be called “babe,” I decided the best thing for me to do would be to just not answer him. There’s no law that requires that I respond to someone’s email, especially if my INSTINCT tells me not to.

And more lesser men. In an email to a friend I remarked that it would be easier to keep to my decision on pseudo-man if I had moved on, if I had another man in my life so that I wouldn’t see the relationship as any rosier than it was, and it wasn’t very. So I decided, after reading a New York Times wedding announcement wherein the couple said they met on Yahoo Personals through the Pen Pal section, to go to the Platonic section of Craig’s List. If there’s no spark, at least let there be someone I can have an occasional dinner with not at a diner in a mini booth for one. And low and behold the request was answered, and he was Jewish, too. We seemed to have a lot in common, and we even did a phone call. We were talking talking talking. We were laughing laughing laughing. We were entertaining each other. And then, all of a sudden, he said that someone’s at the door, that no one ever comes to his house unexpected. He asked until when he could call me back, I told him until 10 that night.

That was on Friday. I guess it was a line and I was “not that into you’d” on a phone call. I know that this man has absolutely no obligations to me, for goodness sake’s we only communicated for two days, but still, it was odd. Or was it just disappointing because odd seems to be so commonplace these days?

Not quite a mother-daughters event. My daughters wanted to go to the outlet mall and since the father does not let the daughter drive the other daughter, I got to be the driver of choice. On the way there I was called “bipolar brain,” upon which I turned around. Then we continued our fight about college money and how it would be handled. Did I tell you that my daughter got into college in California and now plans on leaving for LA as soon after her 18th birthday as possible?

Somehow we managed to get to the mall. They went their way, and I went mine. How much fun. I figured that since I have the two of them together we’ll go out to eat at a nice Chinese restaurant after the shopping. But when we met two hours later they had already eaten fast food and just wanted to go home to complain that there is no food in the house.

At this point I am blaming no one for my daughters and their attitudes and words. I have no energy. I don’t want to cook for them. I don’t buy what they want in the supermarket because I really have no idea what they want and I don’t want to be told the food I cook is bad. I just want to be showered with love and pampered. I want to be left alone until I absorb enough love to have the energy to shower it back on them.

Weekend work. Now, now I need to start compiling my list of harassments, non-payments, non-compliances by exman. And I am sick sick sick of it. Since October 2004 when I first filed for divorce this endless game has been played. And, obviously, things were bad for a while before that to have gotten to that point. My satisfaction with him being served the papers while he was dressed in just a towel that barely gets around his stomach has long since ceased to bring a smile to my lips. I have been paid back in nastiness to such a degree that my little victory is as a breeze in a hurricane.

Looking ahead. Just let the future prevent the present from being my past, present and future. 



Well, I can't sell this house until things are legally settled but at least he's not living here. I'd be crazier than I already am over this legal hassle.
October 2004!? When I read that, my heart sank. But if it takes that long, what choice do I have? I just hope the process doesn't change me beyond recognition. Gotta hold on to my "self" and my hopes for the future.
You have my sympathy, support and best wishes. Stay sane.


You're not out of the woods yet but it sounds like you're on the right path.
If exman won't cooperate about repairs, TELL YOUR NEW LAWYER. Let her figure out how best to push the issue. The real estate agent is working for the two of you but have no authority to make anyone do anything.
Better days ARE coming...

Liz A.

That 2004 fact threw me for a loop, too. Chin up, I've found things always resolve themselves somehow.


I have been coming around here for a month or two and I agree than you need to do whatever you can to get out of that house...figure out the financial damage later. I do not know how you haven't snapped!!!!!

Midlife Slices

I'm still stuck on the Realtor change and I feel for them because I've been there and done that and it's not our job to referee or be a "go between" and then to have a listing go to another Realtor and THEN lowered, makes my blood boil. I'm not coming down on you because I don't know all the facts, but I'm saying that that poor Realtor is in a heck of a position and I feel for her.


Laura, Kids are overrated. They grow up quickly to take you for granted and to moan moan moan until they've got what they want from you. Then they disappear to Uni or what else only to reappear again when they want you 1) to buy them a car; 2) to pay their debts; 3) to baby-sit. I'm not looking forward to the future...Ciao. A.


Hope your new realtor brings you luck. And like morethananelectrician says, do whatever you have to do to get out even if it means having to sort out the financial damage later.

Have you tried aromatherapy during your open houses, like a vanilla candle or something that smells wonderful? They say it works. (I remember going years ago to look at a house and the odor from the kitchen was so awful, I just wanted to get out as soon as possible.)

Stepping Thru

On the subject of taking the girls to the mall - when she called you "bipolar brain" I would have turned that car around and headed right back to the house and if they had any complaints I would just remind them that nastiness gets them nowhere but kindness might get them a trip to the mall. You ARE more in control than you give yourself credit for.

Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

Beth, In October 04, I first filed. Then we worked on the marriage for a few months until the end of February, when I told him it's not working. Then he lost his job. So what was I going to do? Divorce him when he had no job and I was working in a temp job trying to earn my teacher's license? It took a long time for him to get a job and by that time the housing recession hit and he never even registered how I had been patient, he just took put on the mantle of nastiness and no compromises. You will NOT be a worst case scenario!

rockync, the lawyer heard the story and what he's doing, she is ready to pounce. I think. I hope.

Liz, I just hope I won't be so washed up and worn down by then that I can still enjoy that stage of my life. As much as I try not to let it get to me too much, it's just too too draining.

morethananelectrician, maybe the writing part really does help, not in the writing itself but in the looking at my life as an observer. Perhaps that ability to look from outside is what helps to hold myself together.

Midlife Slices, unfortunately, the realtors who get onboard have ended up being the go-between. I think this realtor has a chance because he picked her. Even though we both had to agree on the other realtor, I think he purposely played hard with him because he was "mine."

Antonella, it really is upsetting to have a child turn on you. I watch people with their little girls and their pigtails and I am so envious, because that time really was so sweet. Now, it's like a constant test of our wills. Luckily daughter number 2 has not turned, yet.

JC, before the next open house I think I'll back cookies. But the aromatheraphy idea is good too. Maybe I'll get those oil sticks.

Stepping Thru, I did turn the car around, and let her sweat it out a few miles. But then I turned around, because the angst, the tears and the turmoil had done their job. At least for that scene. And I really didn't want to head out there another time. Funnily, I got more for myself than they got.

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