SOLD; Bitter to the End

The house was finally SOLD on Thursday, but as usual, not without a long drawn-out process and a “this never happened to me in all the years I have been a lawyer” scenario. I am grateful that this has come to pass, but annoyed that, as usual, I didn’t get the money and the respect (yes, that’s the word) that I deserve. No, I don’t think I’m being spoiled, this divorce struggle has not been about money but about regaining self-respect and getting respect.

Rather than a brief little signing around a very big table, I got to spend more than four hours getting frustrated and annoyed. I even had nasty lady lawyer on the phone and an associate of hers on the spot (with a record for putting deadbeats in jail), but neither of them got me any more money out of exman-slime than he had been prepared to pay the previous day and now I will have some hefty legal fees to pay. (This lawyer’s assessment of exman-slime: a chauvinistic hothead.) I was trying to recoup some of the money he owes me for not paying the mortgage for six months (because this lowered the amount of money paid by the mortgage company), not paying his share of the electricity for more than a year, and in general not paying his share of home and daughters’ expenses since the divorce in 2007. He was willing to pay a portion of what he owes on the past-due portion of the mortgage, but not nearly all that he owes. So this was my chance to finally get what is due to me (monetarily).

Before going there I had been asking my lawyer about putting money in escrow and she had assured me that it would be no problem. Well it was. The settlement company refused to place money in escrow if it was not agreed upon by both parties. WHOOHOO. This was the Las Vegas winning scenario that never happened in 40 years. I had nothing to hold over him; I had no leverage to get him to increase what he was willing to pay. It was his "Get Out of Jail" card. And to make it even more annoying, the settlement attorney was nasty to me because I had the gall to be annoyed at this. Oh, and all of a sudden the realtor (who saw me right after the almost-fight in the house the other day when I ran out with a box of photo albums with him right behind me with his little recorder friend) was on his side. The realtor, who he told he would sue (this seems to be what he tells everyone, even my attorney’s receptionist when she didn’t put his call through but took a message) and who refused to show him rental properties, was there for him. I guess she felt bad that I had a lawyer there and poor little him was all on his lonely. Nothing but frustrations.

As a side matter and pick me up, I did get a letter from an assistant principal at school yesterday that was put into my file that stated how much of a team player I have been in the past few weeks and how helpful I have been to my colleagues.

So now I’ve filed in court for next Friday to try again to get some of this money. I know I should let it go. But I feel I need this one last attempt or this one last stand and then, then I will be ready.

He did tell his best buddy, the realtor, that he is thinking about leaving the area, which would be marvelous, except he said that he might go to California where oldest daughter is recuperating from life at home.

Now, now I am going to my bathroom to color my hair. Suddenly the gray looks gray and not chic. Yes, I am ready to move on, but I need this one last attempt to know that I have fought as sanely as possible, that I wasn’t a frier (Hebrew for someone who is taken advantage of and one of the worst things you could say about someone in Israel).

And after that, when younger daughter and her two friends who slept over last night get up, I will make blueberry pancakes for them and they will still have more to talk and laugh about. Then we will get field hockey equipment for her, and I will drive her to another friend’s house, and I will shop for curtains and a drainboard and whatever else I need to make this apartment more comfortable. But how, how could it be more comfortable because right now, right now I couldn’t be more comfortable.

Comfort to you, always.

 

Comments

[Pseudo]

Almost at the end of the tunnel. Oh so near.

[Beth]

Deep breath - another part of this very rough journey is over.
Continue the fight for as long as you wish to but remember, there is strength (and a sense of peace) in simply letting it all go. (I know, each situation is different.)
Enjoy your new home - every bit of it - including your very own drainboard!
And comfort, always, to you as well.

[Ms. H]

I am SO glad that your house is finally sold! Even though the asshat owes you and your girls for his failure to carry his part of the load....at least he no longer shares your living-space. At the end of the day, he goes home to a place that is empty....devoid of anyone to pick on/ridicule/persecute. And someday? I have to believe that someday he will reap what he has sown. He can't put all that evil out into the world, and not be held accountable for it.

While karma is plotting its revenge on him, you are free to get back to the business of living, loving those girls of yours, and healing. How awesome is that? ;)

[JC]

What could be better to wake up to than blueberry pancakes. And the fact that you have a reason to buy a drainboard is spectacular. It's yours, for YOUR apartment. Don't let slime intrude on your new life.

[A Free Man]

I'm new here but am cringing with memories of relationships past. It isn't easy, is it? You know you have to let it go, but it's nearly impossible to do so. And from what I can tell, your marriage was 20 or so years. So I can only imagine.

Focus on the blueberry pancakes.

[Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman]

Pseudo, I'm out of that tunnel. Whatver I have to deal with now, it's from a completely different perspective, one with light, even if there are clouds, it's still out in the open. Thanks for being there with me, encouraging me through my journey.

Beth, a court date on Friday and then, then I will be ready to let go. I'll also be ready to not pay the lawyers and to not let him rile me. I hope your divorce journey will not be so drawn out and draining. Hoping is good.

Ms H, awesome, indeed. What a joy to come home to a home, not a place of tension.

JC, he's already causing problems with younger daughter about visitation. I'm crossing my fingers that he will move out of the area.

A Free Man, thanks for coming to my blog and commenting. Yes, the marriage officially ended a few days before our 22nd wedding anniversary. My incentive to put it behind me is to not waste anymore time thinking about it. At least I am not living it, and that certainly is a tremendous relief.

The pancakes were a hit.