Penciling in Dates

An update on how the system's been treating me.

June 18        The house was finally sold in a six-hour "ceremony." Since exman still owed me money (for food, shelter and clothing for his daughters), I filed a complaint in court. The lawyer (one level down the totem pole from Nasty Lady Lawyer) told me the hearing would be on June 26. Since she made a mistake in the filing, a revision needed to be prepared and sent to court by another lawyer (four levels down from Nasty Lady Lawyer) and we were given a new date—July 24. I needed to prepare a lot of things and make a lot of copies for that hearing, which I did.

July 22         When I arrived at 4:50 for my 4:30 meeting (because there was so much traffic) with the lawyer-to-the-4th to prepare for court in two days, she told me that exman had hired a lawyer and the hearing would be rescheduled. She mentioned August 13th as the day she thought this would happen.

July 23         Lawyer-to-the-4th and his lawyer went to court to postpone the hearing.

At this point I sent an email to Nasty Lady Lawyer telling her that I did not want any one to do anything on my case except get a new date. I noted that I feared that the amount I would get was not much more than the amount it would cost me.

July 27 or August 3         I don’t know on which day the scheduling hearing took place because lawyer-to-the-4th never bothered to contact me (was this part of not doing anything?). At that meeting exman appeared by himself because he had fired his fourth lawyer. The new date for the hearing is DECEMBER 9! Lawyer-to-the-4th, feeling pleased with herself (somehow) had the gall to write to me (after I emailed her asking WELL?) that she told exman “no more continuances.” Yeah, she really has him eating out of her hand.

I have decided that I must be as detached from the legal dealings as I am from the dating game. Just play along until something proves to me that I am being taken seriously. No more tears or sleepless nights. These are the follies of my life. I regret going to court this time, but I have started it and will see where it leads. By the way, I do not get child support nor do I think that it will ever come to pass because it will involve more hassles and fighting that I don't want to undertake because I want and need to be done with him, hence the desire to get some of what he owes me for the last two years. 

I just received a bill from the electric company. Shocker. He didn't pay what he owes them and since his electricity is apparently included in his rent in his new place, they want me to pay it. I just kept repeating to the supervisor on the phone (in a not very calm tone that I apologized for at the beginning--stating that this is coming at the end of a bitter divorce) that "I don't owe them anything." She got off the phone, but I don't think that will be the end of that.

Comments

[Jan]

Oh,you HAVE to stay detached throughout the whole legal process! When I divorced Ex-husband, he definitely did not want it, so he did what he does best - ignored and avoided the situation. Wouldn't accept any papers served to him, wouldn't get a lawyer, wouldn't acknowledge it was happening in any way, shape, form or fashion.

I didn't want child support, either - like you, I just wanted him out of my life. However, I had limited funds for my lawyer and his avoidance of the situation made the money situation worse; I nearly ended up having to file for a non-responsive divorce (he finally accepted the papers served to him, but he never DID anything with them). At any rate, when it came to drawing up the actual divorce papers, I could not afford to have anything done that wasn't standard in a divorce involving children and property (what little there was of that), and so they included child support.

You know what? He blames ME because he was hit with child support. The minute his paycheck was garnished, he quit his job and spent the next 8 years job hopping and/or working under the table. Beloved finally convinced me to take him to court, and when I did the SOB owed me in excess of $20,000 (how he attempted to evade and avoid that is a whole other story).

He will be paying me child support until our daughter is 25 years old. But it's all my fault, don't you know.

You gotta laugh. And you will, some day. Ruefully, but still - it'll be laughter.

[rockync]

No, it never ends and you will probably get screwed out of most if not all the money. Mostly because that's what HE thinks is all important. Hopefully, after maybe five years without the asshole, you will look back and still be pissed about the money but decide it was worth it.

[rockync]

Oh, maybe I should write swear words here, sorry, I got caught up in the moment! - feel free to edit those with stars or something.

[Lori]

You have to stay detached or you will go crazy. He's an ass. What kind of parent fights paying for their own children? This speaks volumes of parents that do this. Very likely you will never see a dime because somehow people like this get away with it BUT hopefully I am wrong. Hang in there...you have come a long way!

[Geo]

I feel for you, Laura. I loathe the elitist snobs in the legal system and nothing pisses me off more than seeing manipulative scumbags come out ahead. The legal irritations I've been dealing with often have me staring at the bedroom ceiling half the night. And knowing that there is very little one can do other than just get angry at the situation is more frustrating than words.

[Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman]

Jan, the thing to laugh at is how demented these men are. They are willing to waste what's left of their lives being bitter and nasty. That is surely worth a laugh. A hard-fought one, but still a laugh.

rockync, I think I'm getting to that point now. I'm more annoyed with the lawyers, or me thinking that the lawyers would really help me rather than take some of my house-money. Perhaps what's key is focusing on what I need the money for--to buy an apartment--and not on the bastard.

Swear words are on here! Have no fear of the asterisk!

Lori, it is truly amazing how many men are out there like my ex (he was unemployed for more than a year and half) and Jan's ex who stop working just to supposedly get back at their ex-wives. Good riddance is all I have to say to those mental and moral midgets. I have to read the lawyer's bills that I have feared opening and then I will put this on the side until December. By then I hope to have saved enough money so that I will care even less about the money he owes me.

Geo, the problem is is that too many of the manipulative people are not just the clients, but the lawyers as well. Our society has geared itself to encourage and reward those with the biggest egos. Just look at what's happened around us now, and what keeps happening. The egos rise, then they bring us down, but they still stay up there, suspended from pity and shame by their egos.

[Geo]

Amen.

[Ricardo]

I sense that while these things are terrible, the worst is coming to a close. There will be more aftershocks but not the hell that it once was.

[April]

PLEASE stay detached and protect yourself from the venom of your ex and the withering exhaustion of legal proceedings. Much progress has been made over the past few months. There is, unfortunately, more needed but you WILL get there.

[Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman]

Geo, back at you!

Ricardo, unfortunately now my daughters are having to deal with their father's psycho personality. But me, I think I am taking my steps back and enjoying the distance.

April, upon thinking about it, I'm glad that I don't have a court date until December. By that time I hope that it really is just a legal proceeding to collect money that's owed me and not a battle in the divorce. God it's so good to be in my own apartment!