Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

My ex-husband, who, thankfully, hasn’t called me on the phone for months, left me a message the other day. He started his message by saying, “it’s me.” I played the message twice to be sure that I had heard correctly. What right did he have to say “it’s me” to me? I looked at the phone angrily; “don’t say ‘it’s me’ to me!” I wanted to yell. He relinquished his right to use that term a long time ago. Let me think, maybe it was after he called me “bitch” the first time. Or maybe it was when he said that I was “useless” for the tenth time. Or perhaps it was that one memorable time when he said that he is “waiting until he can stand on my grave and spit on it.”

To me, “it’s me” is a term of endearment. Using it is something that one aspires to at the beginning of a relationship, and, once attained, signifies that you are, thankfully / happily / finally, in a relationship. His use of that term offended me: there is nothing in the present between us that is positive in any way, so his use of that term was offensive.

Who gets to say “it’s me” to me? Unequivocally, God may certainly use that phrase without any prior interactions. (That would be on his behalf, on mine there certainly have been prayers and far too many pleadings in the past few years.) If the deity would use that phrase, well, then that would be all the proof that I still need of the Supreme Being’s existence. And it certainly would be an incredible honor and validation (of my worth).

But other than that, no one can use that term without having established a prior level of intimacy or acquaintance, after all, you need to be able to recognize the person’s voice easily. And doesn’t one’s use of that term show that you want to be in a me-you relationship; a relationship that is direct, where eye contact would certainly be part of the package? Only one or two friends use “me,” my mother is “us” (encompassing my mother and my father), and my daughters are “me” (although sometimes I get those two “me”s mixed up).

The last time a man used “it’s me” with me was months ago when the supposedly separated man I had dated, who, a week after he went back to his wife, called me, drunk, at one in morning, exclaiming, “it’s me.” Yeah, so?

Hmmm. Maybe there’s a pattern here. In my life, the men who use “it’s me” are not sincere, or maybe they are stating the obvious (which took me far too long to see) that “it is me” really means that it is all about HIM. Perhaps men who use that term when it no longer fits reveal their self- absorption?

I’ll need to wary next time (if there is ever a next time).