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May 2008

Posts from April 2008

Thought for a Rainy Day


There is no shame in needing the world to revolve around you, for that is how you will heal and be healed so that when you are needed by another, you will be able to focus yourself on her or him. The cycle of life.

My Day in Family Court

On Thursday, April 17th, I was supposed to finally have my day in family court. I was supposed to defend the affidavit which I had filed against my ex-husband that stated point for point the instances when he had harassed me, or not paid monies to me, or not paid various bills, all of which illustrated that he was in contempt of court for not abiding by our Property Settlement Agreement (PSA) and Custody Order. This, of course, came almost two months before the February 22nd court date when the judge agreed with my ex-husband that our issue would need more than the “emergency” 30-minute hearing scheduled for that day. This, in turn, followed the February 8th court appearance that my lawyer cancelled because he did not like the judge who was selected to hear my case (he thought too many of his rulings were weird and that he could not be trusted to see the logic of my case).

So, more than three months after my first court hearing was supposed to have been heard, a judge or court clerk inadvertently did not write my case on the docket, and so there was no judge to hear my case, and there was no courtroom in which to unburden my grievances. I would have to wait again. I would have to: revise the affidavit, send it to my lawyer for his review, revise it again, sent it back to him until I receive his final okay, get it notarized, fax it to him, and then have him take it to court to schedule yet another court date. Not even taking into consideration that I (meaning my parents) would have to incur more costs from the lawyer, the emotional toll on this process is undeniable. The emotional toll on me—and my daughters—whose lives were being determined by the court and an unreasonable man (my ex and their father).

And all of this is because we are still living in the same house—even though we are divorced—because we can’t sell the house at it’s current price in this tight housing market and my ex-husband refuses to even discuss reducing the price. So, since my PSA doesn’t deal with this contingency, I must convince a judge to think outside the PAPER, and that (I have learned from my lawyer) is not something that judges like to do. So, I am stymied by an agreement that does not cover all possibilities and by a legal system that thinks that “if it’s not in the agreement, then it doesn’t matter.”

Updates to come.

Please share your experiences in family court. Hopefully, there may be a story that gives me hope that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. But if not, then I’ll have met some people who are in the same boat as I am in, and that is comforting (somewhat).

Welcome to the Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman Blog!

I have always believed that whatever I live through someone else has/is/will do so as well, therefore this blog is meant to bring comfort and companionship to those women who may have experienced some of the things I have experienced. And if not, read this blog as you would listen to a friend, with understanding and compassion. Men who want to get insight into woman are cordially invited in, but hold your suggestions and listen to what this woman has to say (please).

Recently I wrote to a friend my brief explanation of why read literature. And it seems to fit for this blog, and to define why I am writing this blog:

Literature that lasts is literature that speaks to us in all ages and all times, it is literature that sees into us and helps us better see ourselves. All true art, especially literature that speaks to the soul and reaches into our core, is universal. It matters not where you live or when, the basic feelings of man and woman are universal and so, literature is written and read because it helps us better see into ourselves. And if I can do that on my blog, which is really the reason to do it, then I will have justified the expenditure of my time and energy.

The following are some of the things I have lived through and which I will be talking about in my blog, along with things not yet envisioned.

  • realizing that I have grown apart from my husband;
  • realizing that the love I had for my husband died as a result of his:
    • controlling behaviors
    • emotionally and verbally abusive behavior
  • living in the same home as the man from whom I was separated and/or divorced for far too long (three years and counting—hopefully not much longer);
  • the divorce process:
    • the burden both emotionally and financially
    • the court system
    • how my children become “wards of the court” once I got divorced
    • how the phrase “what’s in the agreement?” coming from my lawyer's mouth has become yet another bane of my existence

Since my life is not defined by that one relationship, this blog is also about

  • having children who have loving reached the tween and teen years only to turn on their loving mother
  • friends, having them, finding them in your forties, finding them when you move, growing into friendships, growing to love and value friends
  • work (I abandoned the death-defying 3:00 office doldrums for teaching, which has plenty of issues, but, at least scant down-time)
  • looking for love in my forties
  • and the various issues that concern me, especially violence against women by their spouses

Basically, the focus of this blog will be on what intelligent midlife women are concerned with and which they mull over alone and/or with friends. Finally, for this first post, this blog is my group hug to all the women who have been abused or controlled by the men who pledged to love and care for them. May the women thrive, and the men rot in hell.