Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

This occasional series will present some ways that you can be playful during and after your divorce process (or even when you are in the decision-making phase). For me, there was so much stress and sadness that led up to my decision to get divorced, and in that interminable process of getting a divorce, that I thought up these games as a way to relieve my own stress. And boy, did I have fun coming up with these ideas. They brought much joy to my life (and some perverse smiles, too).

As someone who generally (okay, always) skips the “reflection” or “fill-in” sections of self-help books, you’re on your own here: you can do what you want with them (there’s no checklist at the end). But, whatever you decide to do, know that they were created as an outlet for my thoughts—and yours.

GAME 1. MIX AND MATCH

So much of our lives are lived in our heads, with thought bubbles instead of conversations, we keep so many words and thoughts and discussion to ourselves. Now is your chance to think beyond the standard, to expand those thoughts and the people you want to talk to. You can, of course, say what you want internally; write it down then send it, or rip it, or save it; say it out loud—shout it out loud; or tell that person in a face-to-face conversation. I had a lot of fun coming up with this list—and making my own thought bubbles. (I must admit, I even let myself get nasty! But I never went past the thought bubbles.)

You might consider matching people to conversations that need to be said, so take one from column 1 and one from column 2, and then express what you need to express.

Column 1—People to talk to • Husband • Child(ren) • Parents • Family • Spouse’s family • Current friends • Former friends • Old boyfriends • Spouse’s friends • Teachers / mentors • Spiritual leaders • Therapists • Lawyers • Lovers • G-d

Column 2—Things to say • Regrets • Realizations • Remembrances • Accusations • Disappointments • Questions • Expectations • Hopes • Statements • Connections