Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

One Friday night, while I was in a coffee shop, alone, waiting to pick up my younger daughter from a dance (she's twelve), I looked at two men sitting at a table across from me and had an epiphany, a tough one at that. It looked to be a father and son; the father was still in a suit and tie and sat stiffly in his chair while the son had the scruffy slouched look that some men can carry off, and he, indeed, carried it off. As I looked at them I realized that the last time I dated, twenty-five years ago, I would have dated the son, but now, now I would have to set my sights on the father, and that was tough to bear. My eye, my mind, still has me looking toward the young man because that's what I expect and am "used to," and not the father-of-the-bride, who I must grow used to (sigh).

My last posting about Looking for Love on Craig's List talked about the men who didn't get to the ball park with me, never mind any of the bases. But have no fear, there have been some dates, although there is no mystery here, I am still alone on Friday nights.

THREE DATES IN TWO DAYS

There was one glorious weekend when I had three dates set up. I felt on the pinnacle, certain that something would come out of that, I mean I had already screened them through emails and I figured that at least one would work out. I did keep the thoughts of what to do if I liked all of them in check, but I was feeling mighty good.

Now I must say that I haven't done more than a week of emailing without a meeting. Call me shallow, but I want to see the person before I become too invested in him. It's not that looks count for everything, but if there is a relationship it won't be via email, but face-to-face meetings. So the emailing was a first screening, but certainly not a venue for falling in love.

Health Issues Are Not a Turn-on

On Saturday morning I met the librarian from New York. Seemed promising, I'm from New York and love books, too. I was a bit anxious at his being single at 48, but that wasn't cause enough to discount him. The brunch date went well, if you call learning about his health concerns, current and future, and his mother, and her health concerns, current and future, to be of interest. And add to that the fact that he didn't seem to have ever established himself, and I just withdrew mentally. It's not that I am looking for someone rich to step in and save me (although that doesn't sound like a bad idea), he just seemed, still, so unformed, so unable to make a decision. I'm sure that I didn't fascinate him either, I felt my bubbles just fade in his presence. There were no follow-up emails in either direction.

To Date or Not to Date

My Saturday evening date was with a man who I didn't find particularly attractive on-line, but I thought, maybe he'll look better in person. He didn't dazzle me in the word department either, but I thought, "a date, a date, go on a date." Well, at the time and locale of the meeting, wearing the brown coat that he was supposed to be wearing, and being the right height stood a bald man who looked so unappealing to ME that the very thought of even spending an hour with him was too of-putting. Now I am not opposed to bald men, but in the picture there was hair. I was just so not drawn to him that I decided not to meet him. Yes, I stood him up. I went into the hotel by which we were meeting, went to the bathroom, considered my decision, and kept to it. I do not have to do anything I don't want to do--on the boy-girl front. Rather than forcing myself to do something that I was uncomfortable with, I decided to act on my own intuition. Call me mean, call me selfish, call me what you will, but after so much time of doing what I am supposed to do, I felt EMPOWERED to do what I wanted to do. Granted, it was a negative thing, I know that, but it was, for me, the right thing. One more step on the path of reconstructing myself.

I drove home, wrote him an apologetic email, that at the last minute I couldn't make it and sorry. He was nice, emailed back expressing his concern, and then again a few days later. But I just let it go.

Who's Sally

On Sunday night I was to meet a "well-known" poet from Washington State. The first thing he said to me was that he had to thank Sally for getting him to the meeting point on time. Sally, I thought, who's Sally? Maybe it's a colleague who knows the area since he's new here? Maybe he stopped to ask someone named Sally for directions? Seeing my confusion, he took his GPS out of his pocket, and, showing it to me, said, "Sally, she helped me get here," and then he cackled. Oh, Sally--you talk to your GPS system. Should I say that the date ended there? Because, really, who wants to date a man who has a relationship with his GPS? But no, after feeling bad (I admit it) for standing up the man the previous night, I figured that I would go through with this date.

I had been thinking about having coffee and a piece of chocolate cake all day. But when he got to the cashier he asked me, "coffee?" I said "yes," and that was it. There was no invitation to order something else. And since I already knew the future with this man, I just let it go. I figured I'd stop at the supermarket on the way home and get something very chocolately to take home and enjoy, a night cap if you will.

The poet tried to make a joke about the name of the town where I live, but his humor (obviously) was lost on me. I tried to clarify what he was talking about. And again he cackled with himself. And so it went. After less than an hour I felt that I had been through the longest date in history. Thankfully, there were no follow-up emails. I can just picture him, commenting on my lack of a sense of humor, to Sally as she directed him home.

More one-daters to come, including: the wealthy Jewish widower, the karma-knowing singer-songwriter; and the divorced man with an unknown present.