Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average woman's family income drops by 37% after divorce. I'm not quite sure what they refer to as a "woman's family," but for me the income drop has been more severe than that. And it's not just monetary, it's understanding where I am economically and socially that has changed--for the much worse. I was raised in a middle class family, with the expectation that if I work and/or my spouse works, we will maintain that level, and it was so for quite a while. (Afterall, I worked while he went to law school, with the expectation that things would even be better, we would be comfortably comfortable.) But now, now there is living from paycheck to paycheck, with no expectation of change, and a bitterness at the hand I have dealt myself.

Yesterday I practically cried in the car when my daughter told me of the impeding birthday parties and Bat Mitzvahs she has to go to. Presents, someone's joy is an agony to me. And my sweet, sweet daughter actually said that maybe she doesn't really want to go to the birthday parties.

At first, there was the job loss that came on the very day that I told him, that, no, this attempt at staying together we had been on for the past five months is not working.  And, so, on that day the "family income" plummeted from approximately $200,000 per annum--all his earnings--to zero. It was at that point that I took a part-time job, I think I was earning around $20 per hour for about 20-30 hours a week, for about six months. It was then that we began to say goodbye to savings. (Yes, there had been some savings, but no investments, he never wanted to hear my input on this, and he was incapable of making a decision.)

But tell me, how is it that a man whose job was in business development--networking--can't find a job for a year and a half! He wasn't let go because he wasn't doing his job well, but because there were mergers and acquisitions going strong and he just didn't fit into their new business model.

For a year and a half, I supported the "family" on my teacher's salary. Luckily I had finished my master's degree the previous year, but our income, which had been $200,000+ was now approximately $50,000. We were (ARE--the housing crisis and a man who is too stubborn to see that the price of homes has fallen) still living in the home that the larger salary could afford, not the beginning teacher salary.

Since fall 2006 he has been working. Last I heard, in our mediation discussions, his salary was approximately $90,000. But since I will not get any spousal suppot (alimony), and since he has opted out of paying any home or child expenses, I am basically attempting to support my family and that man (who enjoys the water, electricity, garbage collection, grass mowing, telephone, cable and internet service that I and my credit cards pay for) on a salary that is 25% of what had been the salary that was supposed to support this lifestyle--life.

So, for me, the fall in family income has been steep and tragic. According to the numbers it's about 75%, which doesn't leave a whole lot of room for birthday presents, or illusions of future comforts.