Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

February 2005 was the last time that I slept in a bed at home. That was when we--I--separated from him. Unfortunately, the separation has only been in rooms, not homes. At first I slept on a couch in the living room for about a month, and then, needing some privacy (he would come home late and turn on lights and make a lot of noise, and I felt so exposed to him even though I was sleeping in flannel), I started sleeping on my daughter's old twin mattress on the floor of the guest bedroom. When we put the house up for sale in June 2007, I moved the mattress out of the room and the love seat that was there became my bed. And now, every night I put the three throw pillows on the floor, spread a quilt on the cushions to act as a sheet, use one of the throw pillows as the pillow for my head, and then put another quilt on top to cover me as I curl into "bed." At 5' 4" I am not a towering mannequin, but my legs still go over the armrest. I spend night after night contorting myself to fit the love seat.

His majesty has resolutely refused to move out of the master suite and its king-size bed; he has refused to move out of the home; he has refused to do what is expected of a man, do what is best for his family.

But, oh, the sweet revenge of backache.

Remarkably, I wake up in the morning, stretch, fold everything away, and get on with my day. I have not had back pains. But him, oh poor him, a few months ago he had terrible, just terrible back pains. He was walking with a stoop, he was walking crooked, and for a time he wasn't walking at all. He was laid up in bed. He was calling out to his daughters to help him, but they were often unable to hear his calls for water, tea, toast. He put heating pads on his back. But still, the back pain persisted. It became so bad, in fact, that he had to have back surgery. So, in spite of sleeping in the lap of luxury, his back rebelled against him. If I was a spiteful person I would have done a "you deserve it" dance with a back twist and hip shimmy, but that is just so unseemly.