A Minute to Myself (31)
Not a Light, but maybe a Sign

It's Finally Over: Material Girl

So much time and energy and money is spent on buying things for our homes. But so many of those decisions were made together, or under the direction of that someone special. At some point you need to think about what you like and what you don’t, about how you want your home to look and feel--even if it's still just a vague dream for the future. Take some time to think about what things you liked or did not like, and what you would have wanted. 


·         Things you want from your life together.

·         Things you never want to see again. 

·         Things that make you break down.

·         The first thing that you would like to buy for yourself, for your own place.


* * *


The first thing that I think about buying is a mezzuzah. While it is supposed to be a reminder of God's presence and of the commandments, it is the first thing that you do (affix it to the doorframe) when you move into a home, so for me it signifies my freedom. My freedom to answer to God and my understanding of how my life should be lived, and not to let the imperfect motivations of a man deter me from that commitment.


* * *   




I didn't know what a mezzuzah was until I read your post. I did an internet search and realized that there is a small rustic wooden mezzuzah on the door frame to our house, left by a previous owner. I knew it was there before but had no idea what it was and what it meant.

I checked the back of the case and the place for the scroll is empty. How fitting. My life in this house has been only the shell of a home with little substance, or as we say in the West, "all hat and no ranch". This house has not been a place of safety where all of the inhabitants have been mindful of G_d.

What should I do now? Obviously, I am quite ignorant about Judaism and I don't want to do anything offensive. Do I remove it? Place a scroll with something meaningful to me in it? Leave it as another symbol of the hollowness of the home and marriage I hoped to have?


Without the scroll, the mezzuzah is merely a case. It is like a house that is not a home. You can surely take it down. I think that to purposely keep a physical reminder of how hollow your home and marriage is would be tough to pass through every day. Religious Jews kiss the mezzuzah on their way into and out of a house; it is a blessing. It's not that you would be violating any religious code, but it would just be too unremittingly hard for your psyche to say "ah, the sign of how unrelently hard my life is with this man" every time you pass your portal would give you no peace, which is surely the antithesis of what a mezzuzah is for.

Maybe you can come up with a prayer or blessing that you say as you walk into your home. Something that reminds you, not necessarily of God's commandments, but of your right to be treated and respected as one of God's creatures: to whom all goodness is due.


Thanks for the guidance Laura. I like the idea of a physical symbol to remind myself of my birthright, as a child of God, to be treated with respect at all times.

I'll take down the mezzuzah case and think of something meaningful to me.


Jennie, please let me know what you decide to do. All the best. Laura

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