Coddling Egos
A Minute to Myself (51)

I Need a Diaper

I sneezed earlier and my very thin everyday pad got drenched. If I laugh before I squeeze my legs together, then I dampen my Victoria’s Secret special. And, heaven forbid, I raise my voice (okay, yell), and I am at home (which is where the raising of voice generally occurs), and I am in my pjs (with which I do not generally partake, if you get my drift), then the trickle travels undaunted down my legs. Oh, the angst.

 

I cannot blame my daughters for a lost figure since I was in the best shape ever after daughter number one (we were living in a fourth-floor walk-up and I would go up and down those stairs countless times a day lifting weights, i.e., daughter and groceries), and with neither of my daughters was I lulled into thinking that I could eat for two and not pay the price, so I barely gained any weight except the babies and their apparatus, which was gone gone gone soon after birth. But, I can lay the blame of my need for a midlife diaper squarely on their lovely shoulders. It’s all their fault that the hydraulic system that was in place prior to their arrival down the canal has become faulty. What is this? I don’t remember reading about post-pregnancy peeing in What to Expect When Expecting.

 

Stopping to sneeze, laugh and/or yell are just not options (although, thankfully, giving up jumping jacks has not proven to be a problem). I’m not talking about changing my lifestyle here--I’m talking about the occasional light involuntary urination. Wearing a regular pad could, I guess, solve the problem. But, as usual, I think that the product developers must be men because those things are so uncomfortable. There’s always something going up somewhere, and I have still not mastered the science of proper pad placement even with those “wings” (what a ridiculous term for adhesive strips). Not to mention the fact (and I do mean fact) they feel like cardboard between my legs.

 

Which brings me to diapers. Maybe I need a diaper? But I’m thinking that that’s overkill, it’s only a little bit and only sometimes; I’m not exactly soiling myself. I’m spotting urine, if you will. What’s a woman to do? I’m thinking that maybe there could be a pocket in undies where you could elect to tuck in a specially-fitted pad. Victoria’s Secret take note: this may be even bigger than the thong (and not just literally!). I hope so, or else it may mean that I am alone in this and I would hate to think that.

 

* * *

Comments

Dawn Maria

Wanted to laugh, but then you know what would happen. I had a few unpleasant appointments with a urologist to deal with this issue and it improved somewhat. Best advice- pilates, a sense of humor and a decent supply of panties.

Laura

Thanks for coming to visit my blog! I hear the kegle exercises that we did when we were pregnant can help with this; so I am doing my exercises as I type.

Cassandra Rae

This is my first visit to your blog and I love, love, love how you wrote about a very real issue for many women! This was one of those topics that I heard absolutely nothing about until my own panties were dampened by a sneeze. I was like, "What the heck?! Why didn't anyone ever tell me about this?!"

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Your Information

(Name is required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)