A Minute to Myself (52)
It's Finally Over: Voodoo Fingers

Yes, I Wear Underpants

Since I’ve been thinking about panties lately (see “I Need a Diaper”) I figured that I might as well continue reflecting on them and the problems they are causing me.

What I want to know is why can’t I have a pantyline? Who decided that it’s unseemly to see the line of a woman’s undergarment through the fabric of her pants or dress or skirt? Are those the same people who brought us pants that accentuate the shape of a woman’s bottom and clingy fabrics that make it a near impossibility to wear undies without seeing that they’re there?

Why the need for pretense? Must we always pretend that we don’t need the accoutrements that we need? I never heard anyone complaining about a man’s undershirt being visible under his dress shirt. (I actually think it’s sexy in a good-boy sort of way.) So why do we need to pretend that we’re not walking around being held up and in in all sorts of ways?

Not surprisingly, the powers that be have given us tools to comply with the pretense. There is (thanks Brazil) the thong. Apparently there are a lot of women who like to live with a wedgie up their asses all day long. If I had one on I would move the string over, and what would you have, a sideways pantyline across one side of my bottom, not quite a dude magnet. [My older daughter, when she was about 12 and Victoria’s Secret (which just discovered the potential of the tween and teen market) introduced thongs for girls, bought a pair. (Finally, one example of when I mothered well.) I let her have it figuring that she would discover that underwear should be made out of fabric and not climbing rope. She did. We moved on without an argument.] They seem to work well with dresses and skirts, that is until the woman gets up and there is a new pleat in the back. But they’re definitely not working with pants—they seem to push the entire enterprise further up, for a full wedgie. Okay, point made.

Another invention, pantyhose with the built-in protection so you don’t need to wear undies. Come on, who are we kidding. If you buy your pantyhose under the assumption that you are smaller that you are (and who hasn’t?), then there will be a three inch gap between where you end and they begin, so you will still need your undies. And if you are feeling “bloated” and buy a larger size than you need, you will end up with stomach wrinkles, which is replacing one unseemly wardrobe malfunction with another.

And commando is just not an option (again, see “I Need a Diaper”).

And even the best Barely There briefs occasionally make their presence known. So what, I have to wear the modern day girdle (oh, sorry, I meant to say “shapewear”) to prevent any inconveniences to passersby? Give me a break. Those things are so uncomfortable: covering you from somewhere on your stomach to somewhere on your thighs. Which, in essence, means that to prevent having a pantyline you have committed your body to it’s own personal torture chamber. (Do they use these at Guantanamo?)

At this point all I have left to say is this: Men, deal! And women: woman’s liberation, remember the 60’s and bras being burned? How could we do this to ourselves again? ?I’m doing my part by saying yes to the pantyline!

* * *


Midlife Slices

I can't figure you out. There is nothing about you except your thoughts. You never respond to any comments. I'm not sure why I come back but maybe I'm just trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. Who are you?


I almost always give comments. Did I miss getting back to you? What is it that I am leaving to the imagination, for goodness sakes I just wrote about wearing underpants and peeing in my pants. I write about a bad marriage, a bitter divorce, dating, the agonies of being a mother to a "sullen teenager," and trying to find a balance that brings me happiness. I am a 47-year old woman who, when she sits down at the computer, compresses her thoughts and ideas into these posts.

I sincerely appreciate your giving me the benefit of the doubt, please stay (and let me know if I'm slipping).


After reading your thoughtful comment you left on my blog I had to pop over for a visit. I love your writing style, this post had me laughing, good for you ignoring the thong. As a guy I just can't imagine how they could be comfortable in anyway. Nothing wrong with a pantie line.
Hope you don't mind I enjoyed your writing so much I am adding you to my blog roll.


Welcome and thanks so much for the compliments. I am honored to have been added to your blogroll. I was glad to have discovered your blog.

Thongs are not comfortable, it is just one more thing we women do for men. It's so unfair; you guys have briefs and if that's not working for you, boxers. Both seem to be dream undergarments. (Did mothers design them?)


I say wear thin white trousers (as long as it is between Memorial Day and Labor Day) and knickers with big pink polka dots.


Excellent fashion advice, thanks.


This had me peeing in my pants.....and that certainly fits the mood for this entry!


This had me peeing in my pants.....and that certainly fits the mood for this entry!


i must tell you that I think your article on panty lines is hysterical and all so true! FANTASTIC


So, do we have a movement?

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment

Your Information

(Name is required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)