Madonna Verbally Abused? Is No One Safe?
October 17, 2008
From the Mail Online, October 17:
“Madonna is building an extraordinary divorce case against Guy Ritchie, claiming he was a cruel and verbally-abusive husband who would belittle and ridicule her in front of others.”
“Her lawyers say that 40-year-old Ritchie's comments made Madonna feel worthless, unattractive, unfeminine, insecure and isolated during their eight-year marriage.”
“After a period of time, Madonna says the constant put-downs created a distance between them and that she felt totally isolated in the marriage. That's when the love started to die and when their sex life also suffered badly.'”
Can I just say: Oh My God! Is no one safe? Even taking into consideration that she and her lawyers are preparing her custody case and are building her husband up as an abusive man—Oh My God! Madonna claiming that she was verbally abused. Is no woman safe? Or, why are so many men incapable of dealing with strong, independent women—one at a time, of course?
Ladies, there’s a reason why there’s a ceiling above us in the work world, it’s because it’s there at home. Hubby Bubby must have his ego coddled when he gets home. What about us? I wonder how many more men get their meals served to them when they come home compared to the number of women who benefit from the same treatment—both of them after a day at work? And I don’t want to hear about some division of labor where he mows the lawn and she cooks. There is a huge difference between something that is done daily to something that is done occasionally.
Today at lunch in the teacher workroom a teacher in her mid-twenties complained (in her upbeat way) about her 30-something boyfriend enjoying the dinners she prepares but finds no available time to reciprocate. No, I won’t say that this is a case of "meal abuse," but the scales are surely not balanced, and it has been percolating in her, otherwise she never would have mentioned it in such a public forum. (Twelve English teachers who can facilely turn a brief episode into a telling anecdote is surely a dangerous place to reveal secrets.)
And we have a similar situation in politics. What are the attack ads and negative comments if not a form of verbal abuse writ large? But I will not dwell here except to say that calling someone names when you are 40 is as bad as when you were 10, only when you’re 10 it’s called being a bully but at 40 and 70 it’s called politics. I guess it’s the bullies who are able to bully themselves ahead.
But back to Madonna. Poor, poor Madonna. I mean who could she turn to for support? (No, not Victoria’s Secret.) Where does someone who is an icon turn for help? But come to think of it, I am an icon too. Don’t my children see me as an icon? Didn’t I have to pretend the verbal abuse from my ex-husband away for a while, as if confronting what was being said to me in front of them would diminish my status in their eyes. It took a while to realize that the very act—in their presence—was enough, already, to lose some of my status; status that I could only get back when I confronted or stood up to my abuser, my EX-husband.
My “nothing,” “ugly,” “fat,” “leech,” “useless friends and family” is like Madonna’s “worthless, unattractive, unfeminine, insecure and isolated.” Peas in a pod, the two of us. But, no, unless the pod can contain the millions of women who are abused—verbally, emotionally, physically. In Virginia, where I live, a husband can verbally abuse his wife with impunity; there is no law that restricts what a man says to his wife, except to threaten her life (glad they have that caveat). I sent letters to the editor to the Washington Post about verbal abuse, but they didn’t think it was important enough to cover (that was a day after a woman and her children were killed by her ex-husband who had been emotionally and verbally abusive); meanwhile, every time I publish a post here or at places such as Midlife Bloggers or Blogher or iVillage about verbal abuse, there are too many responses from fellow sufferers—past and present.
Enough. Guy—and guys—zipper it! If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all because words hurt. Words hurt and betray and wound.
Madonna, if you need an understanding shoulder to cry on, I’m here for you.
I remember reading an article awhile ago where Guy Richie ws quoted as tellng Madonna to "act her age" and realize "she wasn't a twenty-something anymore" when she was onstge with Cristina and Spears.
Posted by: phhhst | October 18, 2008 at 09:10 AM
I guess perception is important, to her I mean. I, assume, too, that presentation is important. But now I have more in common with her than wearing mismatched socks way back when.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | October 18, 2008 at 03:04 PM
Guy Ritchie made a movie a few years ago (starring his wife Madonna) and I remember the reviewer commented that his opinion from watching the movie was that Ritchie didn't like women. I thought it was an interesting comment/observation at the time.
Posted by: JC | October 21, 2008 at 12:03 PM
JC: For me what resonates isn't their relationship and how much she was a control freak or he was a control freak, but that she is using verbal abuse as a valid argument for seeking a divorce. Not that you need a "fault" these days, but perhaps this will make it more discussed, more accepted.
Someone also commented that he complained that she is not acting her age--this from a man who married a woman who is ten years older than him because, perhaps, she wanted to feel younger.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | October 21, 2008 at 04:59 PM
Someone very close to me endured a verbally abusive relationship for many years. We were all in fear for her even though technically he never laid a hand on her (but he'd get right in her face screaming and pointing his finger at her). We were all so relieved when she left him (she had to leave the home to get away from him).
Posted by: JC | October 21, 2008 at 09:19 PM
JC: Glad that she got away. That must have been so tough for her.
Once I told mr ex that I want a divorce, the controlling and negative comments turned nasty. What I hadn't realized was verbal abuse previously became so stark there were no longer any questions.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | October 23, 2008 at 01:00 PM