What Unhappiness Feels Like
October 06, 2008
It might be self-evident, but being unhappy is a tremendous drain on a person. It’s like living in the fog that descends upon you when you have a cold: nothing tastes as it should, nothing sounds as it should, nothing looks as it should. There’s a pall over everything. Or perhaps it’s a separation between yourself and the world around you, and that disconnect makes you feel even worse. That’s what it feels like to be unhappy. That’s what it feels like day after day when you know that no matter how good your day is and how much joy it brings to you and you bring to it, there is that underlying unhappiness that cannot be displaced.
To be unhappy is not the same as to be sad. To be unhappy is to realize what you are lacking, to feel in your very fiber that you are not happy; whereas, to be sad is to be focused on the negative, and not even acknowledge or dwell on potential happiness.
So here I am, going about my life, day in and day out, in my pall of unhappiness. I am beginning to feel the debilitating effect of living in this place: it is that life feels like a struggle and not something lovely and worthwhile. And that realization makes me even more unhappy.
I need to stop this slide, into sadness.
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Your writing here is very powerful.Hopefully recognizing the unhappiness and acknowledging it will be a step towards passing through it to the other side.
Posted by: phhhst | October 06, 2008 at 07:55 AM
Indeed it has. I now know that my court date, whatever happens, needs to effect a life change. This slide cannot continue.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | October 06, 2008 at 01:14 PM
At the risk of sounding like a self-help book, would it be helpful to say, "This too shall pass"? Like the other post says, the fact that you recognize your unhappiness is probably a key to getting through this period of your life. That said, sometimes life is just hard and you muddle through the best you can.
Posted by: JC | October 06, 2008 at 05:46 PM
Muddle, indeed. Perhaps because it's Rosh Hashanah and the annual time of self-reflection, perhaps it's because my court date is coming up in about a month, perhaps it's because my "baby" is having her Bat Mitzvah in a little under a month, I am feeling weary, tense, anticipatory, and burdened. But at least the day job is going well. (I think.)
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | October 06, 2008 at 07:01 PM
I don't know how you've survived it this long, Laura. This situation HAS to end (IMHO).
Posted by: April | October 06, 2008 at 07:47 PM
Congratulations on the Bat Mitzvah!
Do you find that you're more introspective than usual during Rosh Hashanah?
Posted by: JC | October 06, 2008 at 07:52 PM
April, I can't wait till it's over so that I can find out who I really am.
JC, the idea behind Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is that you have 10 days to reflect on how you have been during the past year. You know, how you might not have matched your expectations of yourself and how, possibly, you have hurt others. With that said, I am such an introspective person, I think that the focus is different, not necessarily more than usual.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | October 08, 2008 at 02:45 PM