Some More Reasons Why I’m Glad To Be Divorced
November 02, 2008
My friend, who never met slime, knew who he was immediately at the Bat Mitzvah. She pointed him out to me and said, “That guy, he didn’t hold the door open for me. He’s your ex, isn’t he?” Yup, that was him.
In the robing room, right before the ceremony, the cantor, rabbi, ex, my daughter and I were standing there to recite a blessing and receive words of comfort and joy from the rabbi. The rabbi asked ex to move in a little closer, which would result in his being closer to me—but in no way next to me. His reply: “no thanks, trust me.” Slime, always slime.
I arranged two parties by myself: one a luncheon after the service, and one a party for the kids at night. I planned, shopped, purchased, cooked, shlepped, arranged, organized, cleaned up (with the wonderful help of my sister-in-law—my brother’s wife), and shlepped back home with no help from him. Oops, I forgot, he carried one box into the house and took some things in his car to the evening party, but my daughter and her friends did all the carrying. slime and louse.
He cursed me out this morning in front of both my daughters (well, by this time I was in my room with my door closed because I could see that he was in rant-mode, but their doors were open) because I did not agree that he would take the money gifts from my daughter's Bat Mitzvah and invest them. And once again he did not spare himself the opportunity to mock me in front of my 17-year-old who is both cracking up inside and erecting a strong and solid wall to the outside world. He should be proud of himself that he turned a teenager against her mother, against the person who encouraged the development of her mind so that she would be an independent thinker.
Tuesday is mediation. Thursday is court. Please please please let this be over soon.
Now I know why you coined the ex SLIME. Totally appropriate, Laura... he has the great ability to be obnoxious without even trying! (LOL)
Posted by: Alma | November 02, 2008 at 12:56 PM
Alma, comments from the Bat Mitzvah: I looked great and he looked terrible. Sometimes people are visible from the outside.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | November 02, 2008 at 04:49 PM
I just got done with my divorce, and I honestly feel for you. We had no children, but even that was stressful. i can't imagine how difficult it must be to deal with kids involved.
Posted by: Tough Girl Kat | November 02, 2008 at 05:47 PM
Kat, sorry that you, too, had to deal with the death of a marriage. The problem here is compounded by the fact that he is not aware of the research that states you should not involve the children, that you should not use them to get at your ex-spouse. Or, he is totally aware and does it any way because it really is all about him, which is what I fear.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | November 02, 2008 at 06:49 PM
You're 100% right that he shouldn't involve the kids, and I'm really sorry that he's doing just that. I wish you luck.
Posted by: Tough Girl Kat | November 03, 2008 at 07:32 AM
Laura,
Sigh! Hugs!!!! Been there, done that and lived to tell about it. As will you. Still, I am sorry that you have to go through it. That others are going through it, and more will go through it. How can we not collectively learn the lesson that these behaviors hurt our children - far more than they hurt the spouse at whom they are aimed.
You looked good, he looked bad. Remember that, eventually your daughter will come out of the battle (she is caught by no choice or her own) and will see the truth.
My oldest is back living home with her father - she is 31 and moved out when she was 18. She has two children. Her fiance was killed in a car accident one year ago (Oct 31) and she has been struggling since. The move home is necessary - more so for her emotional healing than her financial need.
It's been a couple of weeks since she made the move - they are, of course in a period of adjustment over there, but the other night after dinner at my house she was complaining that he is always "on the kids" for not picking up after themselves. "He doesn't set a very good example," she complained. "How am I supposed to teach them when they see him doing the opposite. Now I know why you were so crazy!" I'm sure she wanted to say, why I was such a bitch.
I swung around from putting the dishes in the dishwasher and laughed out loud and told her I'd only been waiting 10 years to hear that.
Here's hoping your daughters don't have to move back in with the slime (in the future) before they see the truth.
Judith
Posted by: Judith | November 03, 2008 at 08:25 AM
Judith, (deep sigh), I appreciate the lessons and wisdom that you are imparting upon me, and incredibly saddened that this was learned through your own tough times. I love that we have so much in common and can be a support to each other, as much as I hate that we have so much in common.
I am so sorry for your daughter and her loss, the loss of a love and the rug from under her feet.
Here's hoping that daughters recognize the wisdom of their mothers when there's still wisdom in their mothers, and not just bitterness and regrets.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | November 03, 2008 at 07:44 PM