A Minute to Myself (115)
A Minute to Myself (116)

Turning My Back on Rejection

Day in and day out I am rejected. At school everyday I face approximately 75 teenagers who would rather be anywhere except English class. There may be a few who want to be there, but it surely is not anywhere near the majority. Do you remember wanting to be in high school? Then I go home and face my very own teenagers: older daughter, who would rather be pulling out the hairs of her eyebrows in the privacy of her room, than talk to me; and younger daughter, who would rather text anyone in the world about “he said, she said,” than tell me anything about her day. Then there’s mr ex whose very presence reminds me that I have rejected my life as it was. And the “For Sale” sign in front of the house points to how my present life is what I have rejected, and that I am living within the walls of rejection.

Is that why I turned to blogging? To find an outlet where I can find people who accept me? You know, a club that doesn’t reject me as a member?

Is this how life works? We need to accept what we accept and not worry about what we do not? Or that we should not worry about what does not grasp us with warmth and that same level of acceptance that we require? Am I the interpersonal equivalent of a perfectionist? Everyone has to like me or I feel somehow lacking, that I didn’t color between the lines, so to speak. Or do I just need a core group of people around me, with me, physically and mentally? It’s hard to get that when the people who will give me a hug or go out with me on a Friday night are so far away. Is there a certain level of physicality or physical comfort that I need in order to feel balanced?

There surely must be negative vibes being generated in my presence that I unconsciously absorb when I tell my students (myriad times a day) what they must do, which is inevitably against their innate desire to be vegetables on a couch even in the middle of a classroom. And feng shui or not, being in a house that contains so much sadness and bitterness and, yes, hatred, must seep into more than my mind, it must be the source of so much exhaustion, and an inability to find comfort within myself and my life. I’m a pretty cerebral type, but the more I develop in life (okay, age), I realize that the words in my head are not enough to make a fulfilling life.

Last year when I had the torrid affair with the not-separated-enough man, I found myself carrying myself with comfort and confidence. Perhaps it was the sex-glow, but I think that it was the touch-glow, and the glow that comes from being physically accepted by another and by the body’s ability to carry (like a camel) the sensation of a touch for long after the intimacy has ended. And it was lovely, because I think that I was putting my hand on other people’s shoulders or arms more then than ever before. I was spreading the glow, and that just made it all the better.

Is this all about missing sex? Or is it about missing human contact? Or is it about both? Is it also about having teenagers who no longer want a hug from mommy and from whom I need to ask permission to give a peck on the cheek? It is, perhaps, also about being forced into a sort of isolation ward, where most of my interactions are with people who have to be with me. I love lunch in the teacher workroom, but honestly, we are work colleagues and so while we laugh a lot, we are not buds.

Is this how it’s going to be if I don’t create in the flesh friendships with people who I see more often than on a monthly or bi-annual basis? Is this where a lifetime of being an introvert has led me, to feeling isolated? Or is it merely how it feels to be living with people who have not elected to be with me? How many of our daily encounters are with people who want to be with us? If we are married, it is daily (okay, it depends on the day, but still, it is daily). So in essence, except for a spouse or significant other, we spend most of our lives with people who have to be with us. Generally, this seems to be okay, I mean there are people we don’t get along with; on the whole, in my experience, most people are good and have an aspect to them that you can find enjoyable or bearable. It seems odd to think about it, especially now when people are thinking so much about family get-togethers, that so much of our lives is with the un-elected. You have family and work colleagues. How often do we get together with friends? Especially once we have entered the realm of creating our own family? Is this balance what is missing? This need not to dump the people who reject me, but rather to balance it out with more people who I want to be with and who want to be with me?

Sounds like a plan, but this seems to be even harder than finding a potential mate. There is no Craig’s List list for friendships (an idea that I thought of way before Craig’s List even came on the scene, if you must know). But perhaps this should be my New Year’s Resolution (which I generally do not do): to create my own social situations and relationships. Maybe not having a husband to rely on for built-in company is actually good for me, because I am not as much of an introvert as I thought I was. And maybe one of the reasons that my marriage was bad for me was because of its isolationist tendencies. Change is good, as long as you change internally with the external change.

Anyone want to get together next Saturday afternoon for a walk? 



Laura, perhaps the Christmas thing is rubbing you down. I am undergoing the very same thing. I absolutely cannot wait for it to wane down, because I DEFINITELY know it will. Cheer up! If I am anywhere closer to your location, I wouldn't mind dropping in for that coffee! :)


Yeah, sigh, rejection is hard. I just got laid off from my job, which is like the ultimate rejection. I feel fortunate to have my wife and family, though. I agree with your goal of being more socially active - blogging has made me way less isolationist (is that a word?), and I've actually enjoyed more friendships in real life as a result. Weird, right?

Best of luck.


Blogging has helped me so tremendously. And the 400 emails that Kori and I send each other all day. You're welcome to email me anytime! A virtual social community works, too.

Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

Alma, I think it's my life, but it could also be Christmas, since I don't celebrate it, this turns out to be a whole season where I feel rejected or an outsider. I mean even my favorite radio station plays Christmas music starting the week of Thanksgiving. I lift my virtual cup of French roast for a sip.

goodfather, I was upset (and did send out job vibes for you) when I read that you were laid off. But downsizing doesn't feel as harsh as bye bye, or does it? I hope you find something soon.

You make an interesting point about being more out there in friendships as a result of blogging. I think that we see that we are more interesting and interested than we thought before we found all of these online connections. At least for me.

(I think isolationists are generally political guys who think that we are an island; but they always learn that we are not--when they start a war.)

April, maybe I'm in a very needy phase, but I need to have someone physically with me. I'm thinking that maybe I just need to exercise more, get out of the house or school or a chair more, maybe that physicality will also make me feel better. Maybe I can find it there is a Lazy Ladies Walking Club.


I'd totally be there for a walk with you (if it weren't for the thousands of miles between us). I like the Lazy Ladies Walking Club. I'm such a slacker when it comes to exercise but I like being outdoors. We'll have to think about this. How would it work? Once around the block and then go for coffee (and maybe a donut)?

Seriously, I've been going through similar emotions. The older I get, I find friends have moved away or our circumstances have led us to drift apart. Family obligations can definitely get in the way of friendships.


This is a hard season for many people, and so many expectations are put into it. I know it is hard, and if you were nearby we would definitely be meeting for something!
Technology saved me from being alone when I was in your situation. It still does and I truly value its place in my life. I keep contact with people that I would never be able to without it. Embrace it for whatever it is worth. The rest will come when it is time, but for now..you have US!

Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

JC, Maybe we can challenge each other--but no donuts (not even frozen mini jelly donuts) at the end of the walk (or at least not for a half hour).

A colleague at work gave me a card the other day after she unloaded on me and then I unloaded on her; it was very sweet and brought tears to my eyes (luckily I waited to read it when I was on my break).

Gwen, the balance we have between online, onphone and inperson is quite nice too.

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