A Minute to Myself (127)
Reading List of a Single Parent

Happy New Year. Unfortunately last year is following me into this year.

It's the first day of the year and already I have run away from home.

He's been in the house for most of the past few days, and today it wasn't enough for him to mutter under his breath when he saw me, he had to act. He started by putting the frying pan I had in the sink soaking where I generally sit at the dining room table. This was done because a few times I moved his pans that he leaves in the sink so that I wouldn’t wash them. I see no reason to clean up after him, and generally I do my dishes right away (I don’t like using the dishwasher), and he is generally not in the kitchen, and the pan needed to soak from the lunch I made for my daughter.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t let it go. So I moved the pan back in the kitchen when he was in the kitchen. He put it back, I put it back again. Then I walked out of the kitchen turning off the lights. At that point he called out that he was going to call the police on me and I realized that it’s futile, stupid, and dumb.

I went to have a shower. He turned off the light leading to the basement. Whatever. And when I left the house I saw that there was a pile of things at my spot at the table. A mini-junk yard. An empty bottle of milk. A tube of toilet paper. And other stuff I couldn’t identify from the distance I was at as I walked out of the house. He probably proceeded to put garbage into the garbage bag that I bought and used the sponge and the dishwashing detergent that I bought when he was all done, pleased with himself. He was even whistling. mr defiant feeling good about himself.

Did you see that Blagojevich outsmarted everyone by appointing someone to become the next Senator from Illinois? Did you notice that it is being called a brilliant move and how, so far, he has stymied everyone who is trying to stop him? mr ex, same thing. These evil little men manage to do what they want because they just don’t care about anyone but themselves and so they find the ways to go around that little inconvenience known as morality because the only morality they know is self-determined.

If we don’t get an offer on the house in two weeks it’s back to the mediator. I need to come up with some ways that I can leave the house, still keep the pressure on to sell the house, not lose my stake in the house, oh, and have my daughters come with me to the hovel to which I decamp. Seriously. Enough already. Rachamim (Hebrew for a cry to "have pity on me already there is just so much that a person can take").

P.S. This morning, the counter next to the sink was full of washed pots and dishes. I put away all the dishes--those that he used cooking and those that I had cleaned. He didn't even have the "decency" to put away his dishes. And me, it's just not a game I want to get further invested in.  



Oy. I sincerely hope you get an offer on the house. And that everything works out for you.

Happy New Year! I for one am so glad to see 2008 go.


I am so full of outrage on your behalf. I think the thing that makes me angriest in situations like you are in is the utter helplessness. It's one thing to have someone be an asshat and be able to do something about it (find a new job, find a different roommate, etc.) but to have no options or to be powerless is just infuriating.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for an offer on the house.


This is quite a situation you are in and I do not know how there isn't a hole in your stomach for the acid you must be creating in there.

As a gender, I hope we aren't all like this somewhere inside. I apologize on behalf of my species.


What a loser. You think he would want to get on and move out by now, he has nothing better to do with his life than to keep this thing going. I am praying for you to get an offer.

Jane Moneypenny

Oh wow, my friend is also going through the same thing. Good luck indeed! The passive aggressive game is the worst. I'll def be back to check up the updates!

Sarah J

Hope it all works out, and that you, or a real estate agent, manages to find some lemonade.

Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

You guys made me cry, and I was trying not to. More compassion and concern from people I have not met than from the man who promised to "cherish, honor, support and maintain" me. There are aberrations and then there are people, mensches even.


Ugh, Laura. How I wish I could reach through these internetz and smack him around! I know it wouldn't help any, but it sure would make ME feel better.


I wish you could get a court order for him to leave the hous. That's what my friend did. Your ability to stay sane is admirable. I will be hoping for an offer on your house and that soon in 2009 you can move on andout of that life and to the one you deserve.


Laura, I think mr ex has lost his mind. What else could possibly explain his pettiness and plain old desire to make you miserable. I'm so sorry that you're going through this and I hope that the new year will bring positive change. Soon. He's to be pitied for his meanness and defective character.

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