The Art of Sighing
February 21, 2009
It seems that I have become quite a sigher of late. It’s loud and it’s earnest; I guess you could call it a full-body sigh. I can feel my entire body sinking into that sigh as it exits me. I slump down, I make a full-blown exhalation that is not subtle as sighs are supposed to be, and even my face seems to seep and sink into the sigh. It is a perfect reflection of how I feel.
Sigh. It’s how I feel about everything right now. It’s how I feel about my co-teacher who tries to get into a discussion about everything that I do with the students as if he is the class psychologist and I am there as some kind of non-initiate watching how he intuits all there is to know about a student. The sigh reflects my relationship with my daughters: I am the holder of the keys, the pocketbook, the kitchen utensils and sponge, and occasionally a sounding board, for good and for bad.
A sigh certainly reflects how I feel when I leave work and most interactions with people come to an end. Midlife Slices commented on a post the other day that if something were to happen to her husband, she would be happy to continue her life with just friends and family around. But what do you do, other than sigh, if you don’t have friends and family around to cover that hole? Do you just sit in the hole and keep excavating? And even when you try or hope to get out of it, what if there are no rungs to climb up with? It doesn’t always work that you have family nearby, and it certainly doesn’t always work that you have friends who are nearby and who are available to offer rungs in the form of time together. It just isn’t so easy to fill a life with people and interactions just because you want to.
A sigh. A sigh because sometimes, a writer doesn’t want to express the sensation of being alive in little bits when the totality is overwhelming. A sigh would be the equivalent of that picture that you use to “paint a thousand words.” That is my kind of sigh. It feels good when it comes out. It feels as if mind and body are commiserating together, for the benefit, surely, of the overwhelmed me, helping me overcome the feeling of being overwhelmed. As the heavy, charged air exits in a sigh, I feel lighter and fresher.
This is my kind of therapy: sigh therapy.
Sigh therapy. I may try it.
(My breathing exercises always help.)
Posted by: Beth | February 21, 2009 at 05:17 AM
Could it be that you are depleated and have a big void inside because of all that these past years have taken out of you? And not having anything put inside? It is understandable that you would feel the way you do. Midlife slices has been in a marriage that is loving and fills her up so whatever she says, is coming from being "full".
I know that in previous years, I was empty and void and depleated from being in a place where I was stripped of my worth and from giving and not getting anything back. How I viewed the world and love, was seen through that filter and it was not pretty. Since then I learned my worth, started taking in instead of just giving out, started really loving myself and my view or filter changed. After that I did find love and now that I have been living with a man that gives to me every single day and treats me like I deserve to be treated, my view and filter has changed even more so.
I pray that you can be good to yourself during this time of healing. Until you are completely free of your ex, the real healing won't begin. Hugs and love to you my friend, Lori
Posted by: Lori | February 21, 2009 at 06:02 AM
I sigh a lot at work....
As far as women friends, have you thought of joining a bookclub? Mine was here last night and we really do have a good time.
Posted by: Pseudo | February 21, 2009 at 08:05 AM
I've totally done sigh therapy! And then I realized a while ago that I've kind of stopped. I hope the same happens for you very soon.
Posted by: April | February 21, 2009 at 11:38 AM
I sigh like this often, and several people have pointed it out to me. I think, for me, it has to do with unwelcome surrender. Being at work, having to be there, having to surrender the majority of my self to something else. I think when there's frustration like that, but it's an inevitable, daily thing then there's just the feeling of surrendering where you stand. The sigh releases the frustration. At least that's what it is for me.
I read many of your book excerpts this afternoon, and they were heartbreaking. I'll have to come back and catch up to the part where you left the bastard and broke out on your own.
Posted by: Jane | February 21, 2009 at 11:54 AM
Sighing is like audibly letting go of whatever is annoying you at that particular moment in time. I do it all the time and it seems to help.
Posted by: JC | February 21, 2009 at 01:11 PM
I always think of that old saying, "In with the good air, out with the bad" when I sigh.
I hope you're taking in lots of good air, Laura, and getting rid of all the bad.
Posted by: Talon | February 21, 2009 at 07:46 PM
I read somewhere not too long ago that sighing is very beneficial to the body - so keep sighing. I sigh and Devoted Spouse instantly goes into the "what did I do" mode.
Posted by: Linda | February 21, 2009 at 08:16 PM
I get the having no friends and family around! It's hard. So darn hard.
I think sighing gives our bodies the release they need. So do it as long as you need to!
Love and hugs!
Posted by: She | February 21, 2009 at 09:08 PM
As always, I relate too much to your post.
I want to change my life but I just don't the power inside me to do so.
I think you're amazing and just love you.
Posted by: Jessica | February 22, 2009 at 01:10 PM