Two Annoying Women
February 02, 2009
Two women have gotten on my nerves lately. That’s not a lot, but generally I don’t focus on people who annoy me (except exman and even that I am trying to curtail because I don’t want to waste any more of my thoughts on him). I don’t even know these women, which makes it even more annoying to be so annoyed by them.
One woman commented on someone else’s blog that another commentator shouldn’t bother to check out my blog because I am a “bitter divorced woman.” Notwithstanding the fact that I don’t think that I am a bitter divorced woman and I don’t think that that is the come-away from my blog, but even if I were and I acknowledged it—what’s with the discrimination? Are bitter divorced women to be robbed of their voices and cries just because other people might find them uncomfortable or pitiable? What’s with the lack of compassion?
And woman number two has only been on the guest list of annoying people since Friday morning when I read her extremely nasty (may I say hostile) email to her son’s English teacher (that would be me) that darling wonderboy did not get credit for an assignment because said teacher is, in all intents and purposes, unable to live up to said mother’s stellar standards. Oh, yes, on his progress report sonny boy had a blank next to an assignment instead of a 10 and, mind you, there wasn’t even a zero so it did nothing to negatively impact genius’ GPA. Later that day I sent a rather benign response email to said mother, but she picked up on my stating that I can’t remember the precise details of checking the homework that one morning out of all the other days I check homework or assignments for my 125 students, and therefore should give sonny boy the benefit of the doubt and give him the points. Or, tell her the date the homework was due so that she (efficient woman that she is unlike you know who) will check her calendar to see if darling missed class that day because his braces were getting tightened (as if it weren’t enough to have an annoying mother, he also has to have a pain in his mouth).
I’m trying to figure out what about these women has gotten to me. Is it their, basically, determining who I am and telling me what to do, two things that I resent. Have I told you that I hate when people make judgments about other people, such as: “she’s smart,” or “she’s not the brightest bulb in the room.” Perhaps the thinness of my skin is what is most evident here, and not the grating personalities of these women. Or the thinness of my self-esteem that any external scratch to it sends me into endless ruminations. But I think I’ll stick to: lately, my life has been filled with really nice and caring people and so when nastiness pops up I am unprepared for it. Yes, I like the sound of that.
I’m thinking that I will just ignore the latest email from superhelicopter mom. And Carrie, wherever you are, it’s not nice to speak against other people, didn’t you ever learn how to be a polite?
If I thought you were just some bitter divorced woman I would not be stopping by. And you have the right to voice your opinion on whatever you like. You're going through some difficult times and there is nothing wrong writing about that. It is actually therapeutic. But everyone is going to have an instant opinion of you and I and everyone else out there. Most of the time it will be way off. It's just one of those things.
The other woman seems like she's part the crowd you must face while being a teacher. I'm sure there are more parents out there who think their kid does no wrong and if they did it's your fault.
If you are concerned with the thin skin, sometimes we all get it. Especially if you are going through a really tough time. Then even the slightest things annoy you. I have been there.
But this nuisances will pass. In the future you will be in much better times and things like this will bounce off of you like they were nothing.
Posted by: Ricardo | February 02, 2009 at 07:36 AM
I think we are all bothered when someone says something negative about us. We want always to be presented in the best light and when someone points out a slight flaw we are terrified that it might just be the beginning of a HUGE pimple and then everyone will know WE ARE NOT PERFECT!!!!
Then we have to deal with those who ARE perfect and so feel the need to remove the splinter from our eye while ignoring the log in their own eye (paraphrasing the bible here).
I like to take a closer look at my detractor to see if I can discern what is driving them to be critical of others. Usually I find they actually have some disappointing aspects to their own lives that they don't want to deal with.
Unfortunately, you are not in a position to further anaylze these two so you will have to content yourself with just doing a quick personal inventory; are you a bitter divorced woman? Maybe sometimes; we all have something we are bitter about. Does it consume your every waking moment? Probably did for a while, painful life events usually do, but sounds to me like you are trying to move on. And I find the content of your blog interesting and engaging as do your other regular readers.
As for sonny's Mom, the best you can do is have sympathy for sonny. Can you imagine what his life must be like with Mama calling all the shots?! Are you doing the best job you can to teach your subject matter? Are you satisfied with your performance and fairness?
Bottom line, you just can't please everyone.
I have an annoying cousin who used to send Christmas letters out with all the annual accomplishments of her offspring and her husband, blah, blah, blah. She's one of those people with perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect family, perfect marriage.... oh wait, one year we id NOT get the letter -- turns out the "perfect marriage" was in trouble due to hubby's straying and the perfect couple were in therapy.
I did not gloat (well, maybe for a minute or two) but realized how desperate she was to hide her own fears and imperfections behind this facade. In the end, I just felt sorry for her.
You never know what is going on behind closed doors.
Posted by: rockync | February 02, 2009 at 08:12 AM
When people irritate me, I try to simplify the situation. This works better for women... Her life must be a complete mess if she is trying to exert control in mine.
Bloggers blog for different reasons. I will never understand why people think their opinions should dictate the content of a personal blog. If you don't like mine, then read one of the other million blogs out there. There's no need to add more negativity to the world. Sheesh!!
Oh, and we all have bitter moments and if you want to row the bitter boat, then that's your business. I don't think you do, but if that's what makes you feel better, then you keep rowing that boat. Venting does not equal bitterness, besides it's good for you and prevents wrinkles.
Posted by: Liz A. | February 02, 2009 at 11:01 AM
There so many annoying people around that it's not worth getting trouble about them! In Italy we say "cut the dead branches" ie. people around us that aren't even worth our thoughts. With regard to the interfering mother, my husband is a teacher and he cannot stand interfering parents, so I keep well away from kids' teachers! Also you don't seem bitter to me, just realistic. And if anybody doesn't like what's in your blog they should just switch somewhere else. Remmebre: "cut the dead branches". All the best. Ciao. Antonella
Posted by: Antonella | February 02, 2009 at 03:23 PM
Can I say just say "Amen" to the comments that have already been left?! I have been reading your blog for some time now and never thought of you as a bitter divorced woman. I have listened to you vent, share your honest feelings, and thoughts. While some of your feelings might be bitter at times(and to that I say, "why the hell wouldn't they be with what you have been living in?")or angry(again, you have good reason to be and in all likelyhood you needed to get good and angry)at times, doesn't mean that you are those things. In this season of your life, you are going to feel and think a wide range of feelings and thoughts as you get to the other side of this journey to freedom.
I dislike judgement and dislike meaness even more. These things are toxic.
I think we all are thin skinned at times. I know I tend to be more so when I am sleep deprived, in severe pain, feeling empty, or really stressed. When something someone say's or does, really gets to me, I ask myself "why?" also and most of the time, after doing some soul searching, I find a hidden reason which usually doesn't have as much to do with this hurtful or insensitive thing that was said or done to me, as it does with something that is going on inside of me. I hope that makes sense.
Please know that there are many of us here that support you and do not judge you. You are allowed to have bad days and moments like the rest of us and don't deserve to be slammed. Much love and hugs, Lori
Posted by: Lori | February 02, 2009 at 07:34 PM
The only people who aren't bitter about their divorce on at least some levels, are those who have never been divorced. Those kind of people have no right to judge and should keep their mouths shut. I say F'em. Don't let them get to you. They can't eat ya!
Posted by: Midlife Slices | February 02, 2009 at 09:01 PM
Laura, I guess when you are going through a tough time, and you certainly have been, you really don't need any one else shovelling shit at you, but unfortunately that is so often what happens. It's that snow ball effect.
You are honest about the way you percieve things, but not everyone is going to agree with your perspective....your ex being one of them, as is the parent of the student, and I'm sure she's not the only parent, she just happened to let you know in her way.
Your blog is about a lot more than your divorce. You're an astute, intelligent, thought provoking writer with thoughts and opiinions about lots of things, and blogging is wonderful means of expression. It does however expose you to critisism, positive and negative.
Posted by: Brigit | February 03, 2009 at 04:52 AM
I guess an upside to having an "undiscovered" blog is not having encountered negative comments. Unfortunately, the blogosphere can get ugly and it seems easy for people to make nasty, gratuitous comments. Just keep doing what you're doing. The people who actually read your blog know better.
Posted by: JC | February 03, 2009 at 03:34 PM
I love "Blogging Without Obligation" :) We all come to Blogland for different reasons, and with different voices. I figure if someone doesn't like what I have to say, they don't have to visit - just like turning the TV channel! LOL
Stay true to yourself. The people that come here, come for a reason.
Posted by: Grace | February 04, 2009 at 02:36 PM
Ricardo, through my writing I come to understand my life, and through the blog I hope I help other people think about their own lives. So even if the basis for something is bitter, it certainly doesn't remain that way, or at least in my perception.
Part of the problem with the thin skin at work is that I don't have anyone to decompress with at home. So it has more of an impact than if I could rant for a moment to a friend or lover, and then move on to hear his or her stories of the day.
rockync, I got an even nastier email from the mother on Tuesday morning. So nasty in fact, that it really made me realize that it was about her and not about me. Poor woman if she can work herself up to such an extent over a 10-point assignment for her son, and if she assumes the very worst in people. The last email accused me of fabricating stories and of being a liar, all to prevent her son from getting .07% more for his quarterly grade.
My mother has a friend whose sons are brilliant and successful and their lives are just amazing. Oh, but the husband let it slip a few years ago that there are some kinks in them there facades. Yes, there's always dirt in that green green grass.
Liz, I wouldn't have minded if the woman said it to my face--on my blog-but she did it somewhere else, to a person who expressed interest in my writing. HELLO, it's not about you.
Antonella, one of the teachers in my department talks about her dream job: teaching at an orphanage. Cutting the dead branches. I like that image. They're useless and block the view.
Lori, I sit here at the dining room table or at a coffee shop or on the floor of my room, and think and write. It is my life--it is a life. As you say, a life by the time we get to midlife has dimensions and a bit of all the taste sensations. If someone doesn't want to read about life as it's lived as opposed to live as it's hoped, then this certainly is a good spot to pull up a chair beside me.
Midlife Slices, Here Here! I love my coffee very strong with lots of hot milk and no sugar. Bitter my way.
Brigit, one of my points of contention with that woman is her assumption that to be a bitter divorced woman is a bad thing. As Midlife Slices noted, anyone who has gone through a divorce (may I say marriage as well) is going to have bitterness, for how else would one arrive at an impasse with one's spouse? Thanks for the compliment (a beating heart icon to that).
JC, I guess I'm working my thin skin to be thicker so I can handle things when I am blog big time.
Grace, have no fear, my skin my be thin, but it is mine and I won't change who I am or what I write about because of a random bitter woman.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | February 04, 2009 at 06:12 PM