A Minute to Myself (166)
Life's Layers

I Have Nothing to Wear: Jewelry Department

There may be toxic assets out there poisoning the financial system, but I have toxic assets of my own that are bothering my system. Those poisonous assets would be my jewelry. It’s not as if I have a lot, but most of what I have has been tainted because they were bought with exman. No matter how beautiful something is, or how much it might suit what I am wearing, there is just no way that I am going to put on anything from our time together. Even if I didn’t pick it out with him... wait... no, there is no jewelry from that time that we didn’t pick out together. A sign. Yet another sign. Or is it a sign that we never had much money? Or that I didn’t spend money on myself?

The one piece that I really love is a diamond ring that we bought. It was after he had been a lawyer for about a year. It was a beautiful ring with ruby baguettes on the side of a round diamond. We loved the ring but couldn’t afford it with the diamond so we bought it with a zircon. A few years later he surprised me by buying a real diamond from a friend of his. (For all those not in the know, there is a very big diamond exchange in Tel Aviv.) That is a loved piece of jewelry. I think that I might even wear it in the future, when I am out of this house and the heat of hurt.

The few necklaces and bracelets and earrings that I have are history. I don’t want to recall the trip to the village in the north or the birthday or anything like that. Those assets shall be saved for the girls. The horrible platinum and diamond ring that he gave me for my 40th birthday I am still deciding what to do with. This ring is symbolic of the turn from my compliance to my non-compliance. This is a man, shocker here, who was never satisfied with a gift. (Did I tell you about the time I got him kayak lessons only for him to ALMOST drown when he overturned his kayak and got stuck in it? No comment.) So when I told him that I didn’t really like the ring—as he had done countless times in words or actions to countless gifts from countless people—he almost lost it. Lost it in the sense that he was so hurt, hurt in his big little ego. I told him I would reconsider. In the end, I said, yes, it is lovely and I will keep it. That was the second-to-last time I bent to accommodate him—wanting to accommodate him. (The last time was when we went to marriage counseling because I was already too broken in the marriage, I knew that it could not work, but I did it hoping to ease him into the reality of divorce.) Maybe I’ll sell it and donate the proceeds to a woman’s shelter.

Over the years since the divorce I have gotten some small things for myself, but nothing that became a layer over the old stuff. So when my temple announced that it was having its second annual arts and crafts fair with artists from Israel I knew that that was where I could find a necklace that would leapfrog past the old necklaces. And so, on a Sunday a few weeks ago I searched for a necklace that would be my Israeli necklace that would connect me back to Israel but without exman’s shadow.

I bought a silver necklace with pearls, clear beads, and a silver pendant. It is now the necklace that I can finger as part of my fidgeting repertoire. The pendant has a habit of twirling around, and I now have the habit of touching it to see if it is in place. I have a necklace now with which I interact reminding me, perhaps, that things and people need to be attended to and not taken for granted. Most importantly, oneself.



Funny, when I left my toxic ex-husband I felt the same thing. I even put the jewelry in a jar with a tight lid, as if in an attempt to keep their toxic vibes from seeping out. I finally got rid of it all, and it was a relief for it to be gone.

Best Wishes


I totally understand why you feel this way. Your eyes are opening up to many things aren't they? That is good. Getting ready of the toxic is life changing and freeing. What a great idea about selling and donating to a womans shelter. I am glad that you bought something for yourself...this neckless will always have meaning to you. I am glad that you are attending to yourself!

Liz A.

My mother says she had been thinking of divorcing my dad but just couldn't do it because my sister and I were so young. One day at work, the solitaire just fell out of the engagement ring. It still took awhile, but then he blamed her for not taking care of such an expensive piece of jewelry, blah, blah, blah. And then she knew and pawned it to pay for the divorce.


The few good pieces of jewelry I have (which were purchased as gifts for me to wear to show how successful he was because we both knew I was not a big jewelry fan) are stuffed in a drawer waiting to be given to the partners of my sons. Or simply given away.
I now wear jewelry my sons have given to me over time. Not expensive at all but so much more meaningful.


Maybe you can use the jewelry as a bargaining tool. Let him keep the $$ from it for something more important to you...like getting out of that house already!
You know what's weird? My X took a hammer to my ring about a year before I left him, so I haven't worn a wedding ring in over 7 years now, and sometimes I still feel like that finger is missing something. Not often, but every now and then.


Laura! Rid your self of these jewels at once and don't look back!!

I can imagine every one must give you a bad memories for sure.

The kayak story. My,my.


searchingwithin, a jewelry jar, if only the men's toxicity would be so easily contained.

Lori, I got my first compliment on it yesterday. Yes, it does feel good the further I step away from him and his incredible toxicity.

Liz A., the signs life gives us.

Beth, the small silver hoops the girls gave me are also cherished. But I like my stuff best, because I get to decide for myself what I want.

April, the jewelry isn't worth that much. My offering to give it to him would be perceived as a sign of weakness to exploit. Your exman sounds like a real charmer too. Just as long as you weren't wearing the ring at the time. I hadn't worn my wedding ring for years, I wore just the ruby ring. And you know what, he wore his wedding ring for exactly one week.

Ricardo, they are all packed away except for the ruby ring. I think I'll save the rest for the girls, it's a girl-inheritance thing. But sell I shall the other ring, and soon.

The kayak story... indeed.


I have practically a whole new wardrobe since my divorce. I was never a jewelry person but after all the money I gave him, i wish i had spent it on at least a few nice pieces or some furniture would have been s nice too.

wedding rings online

You need to treat yourself, it does make it feel better :)

replica jewelry

I think fashion is a nice thing for all of us and it includes lots of things like looks and style. So this is really a great post about the fashion. Jewelry is one of the best thing to shows your status and lifestyle. I think it is also a better way to invest your money safely.
Anyways keep it up and keep continue with your valuable thoughts.

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