A Minute to Myself (160)
A Minute to Myself (161)

Meeting Nasty Lady Lawyer

I had my meeting with number one nasty lady lawyer the other day. She did admit at some point in our conversation that she is referred to by some at the courthouse as the Wicked Witch of the East or West, and all I could think was YES!, enough Mr. Nice Guy for mr. slime.

The first thing I saw of her office was a leopard print throw on the sofa. I thought, looks good to me, she’s got claws ready to come out and she’s proclaiming it. Not that they came out on me, I had a very good meeting with her. Maybe I put people at ease or maybe she was in a chatty mood, but my meeting lasted for two hours on a Saturday afternoon and included discussing my case, reading and being disappointed in my PSA (property settlement agreement), custody agreement, mediated agreements, and assorted documents that cost my parents tens of thousands of dollars over the past four years.

She did remark on my sense of humor and how important it is in these situations. I did get a laugh-out-loud from her when I told her about slime’s tape recorder friend.
Anyway, we also talked at length about my daughters, I received advice on what to say to nasty older daughter who again called me a “f---ing c-” without as many consequences as she thinks should be given. And we talked of her children and grandchildren. And, of course, other cases and how she handled them, including one that she has right now that is similar to mine so she already has the case law out and studied. And we talked of younger daughter and how as soon as the house issue is resolved we need to file for a new custody agreement to get one that is sane for her and one that would prevent him from playing headgames on her like he did with older daughter.

Her first cutting-to-the-core comment after reading the PSA was that he didn’t want the divorce. Then she went on to say how obviously controlling he is. Of course I didn’t come out unscathed since as she noted I am a conflict avoider who ended up enabling him. No shit. As I analyzed in “Compromising Myself Out of a Marriage,” by appeasing him I ended up diminishing myself and enabling him to continue on his control path unchecked. I did add, at the door, that once he stopped being a litigator he turned his fury on me instead on the opposing side and that certainly didn’t help things.

Unfortunately even with her as my attorney I can’t kick him out of the house. That can only happen if he hits me, which I think he knows because he has not crossed that line. There are plans to go to court—expedited (which I think she will really manage, not like my previous lawyer who went with the flow rather than creating the flow and never managed to expedite anything). But this must wait until mid-April since I am bound by the mediated agreement in which I agreed to market the house at the current price until mid-April and if nothing happens then back to the mediator. Why, why did I agree to mid-April? Oh, well, it’s not so far now (relatively speaking) and that will give her time to prepare whatever needs to be prepared. She even had an idea as to how I can get back the money that I gave up in order to get him to reduce the price of the house. Sounds so good to me.

So there are plans. And I have homework: I need to go back into my memory and record all of the harassing things he has said and done to me since we signed the PSA two years ago. Luckily I have much of that done since I previously filed against him for harassment, and I recorded so many of the incidents here. But the going over them forces me to remember them as opposed to forgetting them, which is so much nicer. The night before our meeting I had to get my papers together and it was so hard to look through four years of papers that documented his delaying tactics and insults, and how disappointing all of those papers were that never managed to get me to where I need to be.  

Each time that he yells whatever it is that he yells, I need to write down. And I need to start putting the bills and the receipts on the table again asking him to pay his share which will be taken but ignored. But it feels okay since I think that she’s not going to let me get pushed around by the courts or him. Regarding the PSA, her comment, after she said that she would have ripped it up was that my lawyer let me agree to what I wanted, while if she had been my lawyer then she wouldn’t have let me. Oy. I kept asking my lawyer what things mean, and his response was always that that is all we can get out of him. I wish I had the balls then to change lawyers.

I stay with men too long. I stayed with my ex far too long, and I stayed with my lawyer too long. I keep giving people chances when they don’t deserve them. Could it be that I don’t trust my instincts enough? No. Could it be that I DIDN’T trust my instincts enough?

By the way, for the two-hour meeting that was more than a legal meeting and more like a bestowal of choice bits of work and life wisdom, she charged a low one-hour initial consultation fee.

Let’s go leopard lady!



I am glad you got yourself a Rocking Lady lawyer. I bet she'll be worth every dime.

"Could it be that I don’t trust my instincts enough?"

I am so guilty of that!


I'm glad that you have her fighting for you. It's hard learning to trust our instincts and then acting on them when we are so used to enabling and doing what we do to survive.


Glad to hear you've got a Wicked Witch on your side.
Isn't the paper work a killer? (Over and over again...)


As painful as it is to relive the memories, it is all part of the process of grieving for what could of been, accepting that it will never be and then, letting go.
Buddah said, "The key to happiness is letting go." All the excess baggage, all the hurts, all the insanity - time to let go.
This lawyer was a big step, you are no longer being accomodating, you are now being courageous. Your daughters will recognize that as time goes on.
Now you got your bad ass lawyer and you have your cheerleading section here. You are going to make it! You DO know that, right?


I hope leopard lawyer helps you, and very soon. Every post, I am looking for you to get the house sold, the ex out, something!

Liz A.

She sounds like she can kick some serious butt, and not trying to nickel and dime you! It also sounds like therapy, making you drag out and discuss those uncomfortable issues. This is a true example of what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, or atleast more capable.


Instincts are a good thing. It is tough to know when to trust them and when you are just being paranoid. I guess you really don't know until it is over.


YES...YES...!!! YOU FINALLY GOT RID OF THAT WASTE OF MONEY LAWYER! IF Ms. Lady Lawyer is reading this blog......I say to her....PLEASE PLEASE HELP THIS WOMAN...A WONDERFUL WOMAN ....GET RID OF THE GARBAGE , PIECE OF CRAP, ANIMAL THAT SHE HAS BEEN FORCED TO DEAL WITH FOR SO LONG. All the women of the world that have been dragged down by beasts like him are counting on you!


Years ago, when I'd just started working as a court reporter, I was working on a big case, and I'll never forget this woman lawyer. She was representing the witness and there were about eight or nine male lawyers in the room opposing her. She was so tough, when she and the witness would take a break, the room would just start buzzing with all these men talking about her like schoolboys. They were scared to death of her.

Congratulations on your Wicked Witch. Sounds like she'll get things done!


So glad you've got a very determined female lawyer! If all women stick together we wouldn't be in the condition of submission we've been for centuries! Fortunately things seem to get better. I hope your situation will improve soon. I think that the fect that your daughter behaved as she did is caused by lack of respect your ex has shown you. Kids learn by example unfortunately. Wish you all the best. Ciao. A.

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