Blogging Thought Bubble
April 19, 2009
It finally came to me the other day why I have not wanted to blog lately, neither read nor write. It’s that blogging is a conversation, an on-going conversation at that, and since I am still at my core an introvert, a writer, this constant discussion is counter to what I usually do, or have done. It’s an illusion, this blogging, you think you’re writing, but you’re really conversing. The burnt-out feeling that I had was from too much interaction, not keeping things in to stir and settle, and not giving myself time to observe without formulating reflections. Sure, I’m writing but at a certain point, especially lately, posts have taken on a more conversational tone than a reflective one, and that is what I think has triggered my discomfort.
Perhaps I started writing for an audience and not myself. No, that’s not quite what I mean. Maybe I have been writing to write as opposed to writing to develop thoughts—in myself and the reader. Yes, I think that is what I am thinking. I have not been giving myself time to not write, to have writer’s block (I cannot believe that I am saying this), which perhaps is what I need every once in a while to do some assessing, or at least to let my thoughts catch up to my keyboard. Not that I have any intention of stopping to write, it is, after all, what I have wanted to do since I was 18 when I realized that I don’t have to just read books, I can write them too, but maybe I need to regain that distance from the writing to the reading that enables more intensity—for both the writer and the reader.
Of late I have read too many posts that really are like phone conversations with one’s friends about the kids and the spouse and the in-laws and work and trip plans and diets and and and. But that is not what I want to do—or read (I am setting myself up for desertion here), I really want to write from my depths as I have done for most of the past year (yes, yesterday was my blogiversary) and so I need to release this blogging-discussion bug that seems to have invaded me. I need to get back to writing as an expression of self and understanding of the world, and not just because it's my turn to talk.
You hit the nail on the head. I've found myself pre-editing what I write because I know that my mom and/or others will be reading it. There are times I flirt with the idea of starting another blog in a galaxy far, far, away....but don't because, in the end, that just seems like too much work. ;) I guess one option for me would be to keep an offline journal....but I suck at that. Big-time.
As I have gotten busier with the school year, and my blog has gotten more "popular" (for lack of a better word), I've struggled with my feelings of guilt about not responding to each comment left on a post. I think it's those ingrained habits of hospitality-- I want to make guests feel appreciated and welcome, and to "ignore" their words seems rude. But you're right. It ultimately turns blogging into a conversation -- putting more emphasis on the interaction rather than the reflection. Now that I'm actually thinking about it, I doubt that the blog-software designers ever intended it to become a conversation....otherwise don't you think they would've named it something other than "comment" ?
Although I secretly/selfishly hope you continue blogging...please feel free to do what you is best for you. You have too much pressure being placed on you by "him" to be deprived of the emotional outlet that writing provides -- and your soul requires.
Oh yeah. I almost forgot. It's totally okay if you DON'T respond to this comment of mine. In fact...if you respond? I'm going to be mad at you.
;)
Posted by: Ms. H | April 19, 2009 at 05:24 AM
It becomes all too tempting to write for an audience and yet, what audience would that be? So many diverse bloggers out there. Best to write for yourself and keep that writing "true" to your original intentions.
But do keep writing! On your blog, anywhere...
Posted by: Beth | April 19, 2009 at 06:01 AM
I love writing. I do it through my blogs. The conversation part of blogging, still involves writing. I must admit I do find it very time consuming, but sometimes inspiring, so worthwhile. Why do I put the effort into the conversation? Hmm, I enjoy, and its my audience.
Through the conversations or interactions I'm learning what people want to read about, how they feel about certain things I write about and what interests them. All food for thought for future writing. An interactive library of inspiration I guess.
I'm not sure where my writing is going to take me. I don't have a book in mind, ready to write, so while that void is there I'm blogging, I'm writing. Would I be writing if I wasn't blogging? I doubt it.
Posted by: Brigit | April 19, 2009 at 06:06 AM
I have multiple blogs and write about different things in each of them. I have one that is under an alias and I feel very free to write whatever I want in that blog (although it is work-focused). I don't edit for audience so much as express different facets of who I am. The only thing I am very careful of is on any blog my daughter may possibly find and know is written by me, I don't talk about her too much. I blog for my own sanity but try not to willfully hurt anyone's feelings while doing so.
Write for yourself. Write what you need to write. I'd hazard a guess that most of your regular readers will still come and read whatever you write. Create your blogosphere to be comfortable for you. When you stop listening to the inner voice that comes out in your writing, THAT is when it falls apart.
Posted by: MsDarkstar | April 19, 2009 at 09:48 AM
It must be in the air. I too have been thinking about what and why I write on my blog(s). Probably because somebody told somebody who told somebody who was offended. And thus came the question, am I writing for an audience, or writing what I want to say?
I'm trying to keep it true. I think I'm writing what I have to say. I don't think that blogging is a literary platform. You are right, it is conversation. It is putting on paper all those conversations that endlessly loop in my head.
And, as another comment pointed out, I'm lousy at pen and paper journal writing.
Blogging is still relatively new to the world of writing and writers. I think it is a chance to connect with others, a chance to flex our writing muscles and grow stronger. I think that every once in a while, something we write in a blog is a gem, worthy of being included in a more literary work - whether novel, poetry, essay or memoir.
Write On!
Posted by: Judith | April 19, 2009 at 11:29 AM
Yes, there is something in the air because I've been struggling with similar feelings lately. Write what you want to write, and if that means a blog post once a month or once a week, so be it. Writing shouldn't feel like a chore.
Posted by: JC | April 20, 2009 at 09:16 AM
I just write what happens to me each day and how it impacts me. I think that i am influenced by a lot of things and that is where my writinig comes from. Sometimes I am happy or feel funny...and my posts reflect that. Other times I am angry, deep in thought or frustrated...it changes each day.
Posted by: morethananelectrician | April 20, 2009 at 12:51 PM
Ms. H, now that I am supposed to be working on my book, I have not been writing much. Perhaps the solution is to be devoted to both the blog and the novel or whatever it will be. By writing the blog posts I focus my mind and my thoughts, but by doing fewer I'll leave some time to mull for the book. Clarification, it's not that I don't LOVE and NEED the comments and enjoy the conversation, it's that I need to not think of that when I am writing the posts, or essays as I still like to think of them. One of the best things about the blog is how, from the beginning, I have reduced the number that focus on him.
I will not accept anger from you! Only a knowing nod.
Beth, I think I'll be here for a while.
Brigit, my "Beginnings" file is practically blank, but give me a date that I need a post by, and it's done. Yes, if it weren't for blogging I'd still be with papers in the drawer and greater frustration in the mind.
Ms. Darkstar, so true, it doesn't matter what I am writing, it needs to follow the inner voice.
Judith, maybe it's a writer's/blogger's version of spring mind cleaning. I do think that writing can be a literary platform; just like there are beach novels and their are writer's writers, so, too, with blogs and their creators. As you say it is all so young, but that is what makes it, I've decided, so exciting. And writers here have the same problems of getting readers and wishing to make money that exist for print writers.
JC, spring, yes, it's spring cleaning time. Write what I need to write, what comes bubbling up in me and that directs my hands and my thoughts.
morethananelectrician, the blogger as memoirist and essayist, indeed. It's the narrative intertwined with the reflection that makes some blog posts so riveting and meaningful.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | April 20, 2009 at 04:23 PM
Hi Laura, I do not think there is a format for blogging. Either you wish to write for yourself or for an audience it does not matter. What's important is to express yourself. For my part I prefer reading entries than writing them, maybe because writing in a foreign language is not that natural for me. I like reading a lot and by reading blogs or journals as I prefer to call them, I can learn a lot about real life not only book fiction. If we read you, Laura is because we like what and how you write and I thank you for that. Ciao. A.
Posted by: Antonella | April 22, 2009 at 05:04 AM
Hey, Laura :)
This was a very insightful post. It's amazing how easily we can slip away from our original blog intents...whatever they may be! I stopped blogging because I just ran out of steam...and motivation. I've done that a number of times over the years, and with each re-emergence, I usually start a new blog! LOL
The important thing to remember about blogging, IMO, is - there are NO rules! None! We don't blog by committee! :) So if you're feeling like your blogging has taken a rabbit trail (and I'm afraid I can't comment on that since I haven't been here in a couple of months), or if you feel like something is "off", there's no one to answer to - or to please - but yourself. Write if and when you wish, about what you like. Those of us who - for whatever reason - follow you...be it for conversation or education or illumination....have enjoyed what you've written thus far. What's most important, though, is if YOU like what you're writing...
Which I know I don't have to tell you...just sending out a little hug to tell you, you matter. Whether you blog or not.
Posted by: Grace | April 22, 2009 at 02:47 PM