A Minute to Myself (178)
A Minute to Myself (179)

Looking for Love Online: Plenty of Fish

Someone suggested that since Craig’s List and Chemistry were not working for me, I should try Plenty of Fish. On this free site, you post a picture and fill out some information on yourself, and your ideal first date. If someone is interested in you they can either put you on their favorites list hoping that you’ll send them a note (for the less bold), or he will directly contact you with a note (the notes are on the site, only notifications that “you have mail” go to your email).

Now, I have to admit that I had a nice date (not getting expectations up) this weekend with one man I met on the site (the soccer-playing scientist), and may have one this week with the lawyer who would rather paint. But I just could not resist sharing with you some of the notes I have received. They are just too… well… when you read them you will wonder how anyone got out of school (elementary?) and through half a life with such thin communication skills. I am sorry in advance if I offend any of these men, but really, they should put more effort into themselves than anger directed at me for exposing their paltry writing skills and thinking ability. There were some more normal responses, but they were far outnumbered by these ineffectual ones and they are not mockable.

I have included the age of the writers in parentheses because I think it’s interesting to know; also, I have changed phone numbers and names to protect the guilty.

Subject: Hi!!!
Hi Cutie!!!!
I did want to just let you know that I just got done browsing every woman on the east coast.......Thats 14 states and thought Id let you know that you are definatley the cutiest, sweetest,Hottest most Georgous woman on here!!!!!! It took me 2 months ..11 days..... 16 hrs.....and 22 minutes to do that!!!!!
Shew am I whipped!!!!!
You could be on my FAV 5 anyday!!!!!!!
See ya! Mel

Subject: u are a gorgeous --- do u have yahoo IM
u are a gorgeous --- do u have yahoo IM - what is your id to chat more --

Subject: I am a Man of integrity
Glad to read your profile today. I am excited. My name is John. A professional educated Man, respectful, sane, strong, smart worker, honest, trustworthy, neat, clean, happy, healthy, compassionate, sensitive, potents, romantic. good hearted and caring. I am close to 6' tall, 210 Pounds weight and medium in size. Although I am in my early 50s but I feel much stronger and look younger my age. Now.I am seeking a lady who will match my profile to be my friend, and I will appreciate it if you can give this a trial and see where it goes. Believe me, you won't be disappointed. . My hobbies as follows: travel, musical shows, sports, theater, movies, singing, and caring. If this sound like what you will like to try. Please write me back and thanks for your time

Subject: Your profile
always between at distance than speed. Longs walks are a good match for me

Subject: Aire,Land and Sea

Subject: sweet not corny
Hi screen-name how's it going what's up where you live?---mystate

Subject: first hello
Hey Miss,
I am Alex From belgium, yes sound bit far, and it,s very difficult to we can have date, lol But Miss I saw your pic, and I like you and your pic, and I like to be friendship with you, If you like? I am not bad guy, lol yes but I am sorry about my English, it,s not so good,, Have a very good day, and bye, Alex

Subject: hi
Hi there, how was your day?

Subject: Hi
I'd love to have a conversation with you

Subject: message in a bottle....... (Contains Gift)
(big smiley face)
Hello there,well i read the proile,love the pic's....when would be a good time to ELOPE ??!!...Rio....?? Bondi....?? they say Santorini's nice this time of year!,i'll leave it upto you....
Oh,by the way,i'm Jack,English....but a looooooooooooooooong way from home!!,hugz,millions of em !! xx Jack

Subject: Hi
Helllo Screen-Name,
Have a nice Easter. You are gorgeous.

Subject:  A good man is hard to fine, when you fi
Sweetie I am very interested in you, please call me at 1234567890.

Subject: hi
Are you half Native American? Your name is "Screen-Name" so I just wondered. I am
a little Native American myself, very little.

I read your profile, very nice, and your pic, you look younger than your age, like me.
Also, I like your idea of a first date, "a drink, a munchable, background music and
tables that aren't too big so we can't hear each other"...what?....WHAT?....WHADYASAY?

O.K., I think I got a lot going for me, and you do too, but there's that elusive ingredient
called chemistry, isn't there? If you read my profile, look at my pics, and think I'm
worth a shot, get back to me and we'll experience the various levels of trying to figure
out each other and whether this has potential. Otherwise known as the Dating Dance
of Death, as they call it, well, nobody calls it that, I just made it up.

I love all the music you described and more. My iPod is the soundtrack of my life. My
car (NOT a "babe magnet" as my 2X year old daughter says) has a great
sound system so I love driving through the country listening to everything. Right now I
am hooked on Mighty Rivers Run by Globus. If you like a large orchestra, huge choir
voices, pop singers, a rock beat, then this is for you.

OK, enough of this, go read my profile and see if I strike your fancy. What is a "fancy"
anyway and why are we supposed to strike it, can't we stroke it?

Subject: I love music also; let's make our own...
Dear Screen Name,
I love your photo and profile! We have a lot in common...
Please call or send me your PERSONAL email, if you want my ONE and ONLY photo of me and my daughter vacationing in Europe!..
Warm regards,
Will 123-456-7890
PS:There is a spot that when you touch it, a woman goes crazy...
That's her...heart!!!

They have spoken. And I have replied… with silence.



I am at a loss for words.
(Although not quite in the same manner as those men are at a loss for grammar and writing skills.)
Scary out there.

Liz A.



These remind me of the emails I get from some "barrister" in Nigeria. These guys really need a class in English composition!


Liz A. wrote what I was feeling while reading those responses. Ugh.


Wow. I don't know what to say about any of this. I know I wouldn't write that.


None of these guys had an ounce of "funny" in them...this has to be so tough.


It's so transparent when all they do is comment on your beauty. Like you're so easily swayed by a compliment that you will forget the fact that they can't spell.

Remember when men could spell? I miss those days!

Midlife Slices

Oh dear, is that what is available these days? Thank God I'm not in that boat and I wish you lots of luck.


Come on, Laura, you have to admit that, apart from the spelling - which is clearly not their best feature - the man who searched 14 states sounds quite funny! And with texting, emailing etc who can still spell properly nowadays? Hope you're having fun anyway. Ciao. A.


Oh dear....ugh...good luck with this. When I read things like this, it makes me even more glad that I am now married. But, it wasn't so long ago that I was single. Hopefully you can just laugh off some of them and find some worth check out.

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