A Minute to Myself (176)
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Looking for Love Online: Yes, I’m Jewish

I am well-aware that religion is a very personal thing and no one is forced to have to deal with anyone else’s religion, or even their own for that matter, but I must say that the number of men on Chemistry.com who don’t want a Jewish woman in their lives is becoming disturbing. It’s not upsetting in the “Oh, no, there goes another potential life partner,” but disturbing in the sense that people are hunkering down in their own religion (whether they practice or not) and don’t want to dabble outside of those lines. I have noticed four trends for the opposite sex in the religion category: anybody who believes in anything or believes in nothing; spiritual but not religious; any type of Christianity; any type of Christianity or Muslim or Hindu. Nu, should I have gone to Jdate maybe?

I understand, really I do. I would prefer to date someone who is Jewish just because there would be a commonality there and, honestly, I don’t get Jesus. Granted, this not getting is a built-in to how I was raised, but still I have dated outside the faith and didn’t have a problem relating to those men and their religious beliefs and practices. One man was a practicing Catholic who went to mass every week but he still found a curiosity about my religion and I had one about his. Our level of commitment, and thinking about God, and what we got out of our religion was somewhat similar, which perhaps at a day-to-day living level might be better than being of the same religion but with a different commitment and learnings from the religion.

But back to the boys on Chemistry. At this point I just look to see their religious preference and often find myself clicking “Archive” (which means “no, but maybe in the future I will become desperate and will seek even in the reject pile”--they don't let you delete anyone. I wonder if they let men delete?) because why bother with someone who is so dismissive. One man, who seemed charming even though he did exhibit this closedmindedness, I still indicated an interest in; not a shock that he never responded. So they’re off my list. Which seems to make the options even slimmer, what with my also eliminating men whose political affiliation is listed as conservative. I just don’t feel like debating and I don’t want to be with someone again whose political leanings and understandings of the world and one’s responsibilities to the other of the world are so contrary.

Which brings me to another category where I seem to not fit the requirements: everyone seems to want a slender or toned/athletic woman. Some things I can change, some I can’t. Or maybe there are no things I can change and I need not to feel that that will prevent me from finding someone (a true love as we discussed today in class now that we have begun reading Romeo and Juliet) but rather this makes it easier for me to find a man who is looking for me and not bother with anyone else. 

I guess the benefit of the sites where you don’t have to fill out a profile is that you aren’t so dismissive or so dismissed. All the closedmindedness can surely come from experience: you know what you like, but it also has an awful tinge of bigotry. Perhaps this is the modern dating version of “not in my backyard.”

Who knows? At this point I’ve become a practicing skeptic, on both the religion front and the dating-with-positive-results front.

But… I just might be having a dancing date with Carlo who I met on a site where all you start with is a picture and a few words that give as much insight as you want into yourself, and then it’s up to the two of you to see if there is potential chemistry in the email banter. But who knows. I might say something that seems innocent and charming to me but is a red flag for Carlo. Oh, and then there's the tea date with Lee; another man I met on a non religion-expressing site. A busy weekend. I will definitely keep you updated.



Why don't you take a class in something you think you would like to know more about, like wine tasting or something? Or take a class that challenges your intellect - you never know who you might meet in those evening classes...

Heidi Lou

Is it really about religion, or more of a cultural thing?

Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

rockync, I've joined a women's group and a hiking group, but I haven't gone on any hikes yet. Yes, I think that I need to take a real break from this part of life for a while and just relax. Maybe it's like what they say about some people trying to get pregnant, when they stop trying it often happens. Of course, with me, it happened when I was trying. But pregnancy and dating are certainly not the same thing.

Heidi Lou, I do think it's religion. Otherwise they could say that they want to meet a city girl from the East Coast or a country girl from the South, or something like that. Again, it's not that anything is wrong with that, it's just that the number of times I have encountered it is what's disturbing in the "unexpected" category of life.


Enjoy the weekend - and do keep us posted.
I want to hear GOOD news! (And I'm sure you want to experience the same...)


Maybe starting out with a picture and a few words is better in the sense that you meet someone, see if there's a connection, then worry about the differences later. I know of a few mixed religion couples, usually Jewish/Christian, but they seem to be folks who are a bit more flexible, not of the orthodox or fundamentalist persuasion and are able to celebrate both faiths. I think if you make a true love connection, the other things will sort themselves out, but it will be much easier for you if you do find someone who shares your faith.

The dancing date with Carlo sounds promising. (Dancing!)


I live in such a small town that the online dating thing is fraught with too much peril for me to try. So, I've no experience and I'm curious how you know why they are not choosing you. Do they have to say?

Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

Beth, answers to your questions to come in a post later this week.

JC, "true love connection," what's that? As my students keep saying (not in reference to me, I rarely talk about my outside-of-school life) if you meet online, then it can't be true love. Who knows which method is better? I do know that for me Chemistry has been a waste of $100 that I don't have to waste. Live and learn. Now I know there's no grass on the neighbor's side of things.

SimplyForties, in their profiles they note their religious preferences, and I have decided that if they don't list Jewish, then they must have left that out for a reason, and so I archive them. Is there a town near your town? You don't have to show your picture to someone until you see them and you're ready. This is true for all of the dating sites I have been to.


if it makes you feel better. I am thin and toned and I've never been more single.

Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

Jessica, thanks for the encouragement. And a good friend, who is a blonde Scandinavian who fits all the stereiotypes (tall, thin and blonde) is in the same boy-frustated situation.


I never got the Jesus thing either which is why the Jews got me. I am a rare and proud convert and haven't looked back. I count being Jewish as one of the best happenings in my life. It was like I came home. The joke is I was Jewish all along because I could kvetched with the best of them. In fact that's how I got turned onto it. a woman (Jewish) said, "You sound like such an angry Jew right now."

But really it's neither here not there with me as I hate to discriminate based on religion unless they are orthodox. In that case, they usually can't be reasoned with and are too ridged for their own good regardless of the religion in question.

You must also be careful about the antisemitism out there. Many, even if they aren't skin heads, have low opinions of Jews in general. They think we're a secret club up to no good. I was shocked at how many people who seemed so moderate still have some of these beliefs. I was told all the warm welcoming and support of the Jewish community I have received over the years will come at a grave price and it's all a set up to get screwed over because Jews don't do anything nice without strings attached. It's been quite a few years, still nothing evil. People at shul are still mistaking me for an Israeli soldier and having me over for dinner anyway when they find out I'm not. There's no conspiracy.

I have a silly motto repeated on my blog many times.

"The Ricardo welcomes beautiful women of all races creeds and colors."

I will hold to that rule.

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