My Body, My Uni-Thigh
May 19, 2009
I don’t know what happened to me the other day, but I wore a skirt without stockings or some kind of body shaping underpants that are really skin-tight shorts with extra fabric at the crotch. This dressing faux pas forced me to face the reality that wearing pants day in and day out has prevented me from realizing and that is that I have a uni-thigh. My two thighs are as one when they are not forced apart by pants.
Oh, the horror, the horror, to have the upper-thighs stick together as I walk. Whatever reason I had to wear the skirt that day (because it was a lovely day and I felt spring-y) was so overridden by the feeling that my body really is a piece of ripe fruit. Would anything but mushy pear thighs stick together? I can’t even blame the extreme heat and stickiness, no, it was warm but not that warm. No, my thighs gravitate toward each other as I gravitate toward pants.
What to do? First, I need to buy a new pair of undershorts since my last pair shredded from the pressure and my inability to care that a label says “hand-wash” or “air dry” when that is far too inconvenient. Second, retreat back to my pants, which wonderfully make me feel like a two-legged creature. Third, invest in some kind of exercise equipment that promises to give me thighs of steel by just thinking about doing the exercises. Fourth, move those legs. Act I must since I have decided that I do not want to relinquish my right as a woman to be cool and comfy in a skirt or dress on a hot summer day.
If you have any upper thigh exercises that are guaranteed to work, please pass on the secret. I’m ready to give it a squeeze.
Don't feel bad. That happened to me when I was 22. It was worst when I noticed my pants were wearing faster between the thighs. I was worried I would need new jeans not because of a hole in the knee, but the upper inseam. ::hangs head::
Even though I'm at my pre-unithigh weight again, my upper thighs are still gracing each others' presence. Uphill walking helps better than anything I know.
I recommend Spanx. Beautifully comfortable products. Instant and constant sucking in.
And no, I didn't just eat a sausage biscuit. Why do you ask??
Posted by: Liz A. | May 20, 2009 at 06:41 AM
If you find ANY exercise equipment that works by just simply thinking about doing the exercises - please let me know!
Posted by: Beth | May 20, 2009 at 01:00 PM
Ugh, thighs! I've heard good things about Spanx also. Wish there were such a thing that works using the "think" method. Maybe that's why I tend not to wear dresses or skirts. I want to contain them.
Posted by: JC | May 20, 2009 at 01:14 PM
I must try the Spanx. I have imitations....and I wonder if they are as good. I may invest this season. Even at my thinnest..the thighs were ..well ..the thighs. What can you do?
Posted by: Gwen | May 20, 2009 at 05:32 PM
Cycling is my best advice. It's absolutely good for any part of your legs, bum and hips too! I don't know what spanx are but if they are syntetics they are not good for you skin and make you sweat. Ciao. A.
Posted by: Antonella | May 21, 2009 at 01:46 AM
Liz, my problem wasn't the thinning of the fabric, but the stretching of the threads--on the outside of the pants leg--so everyone could see. But at least I knew that no one was looking that intently.
Beth, you'll be the first to telepathically know of the steel thigh secret.
JC, ever since I wrote this I have noticed the uni-thigh when I wear my towel after my shower. There is no way to avoid that because I am not going to get changed in the bathroom, I have not reached that level of disaffection.
Gwen, the undies that I got that shredded were the Target special. I got a kick out of the sales women in Nordstrom's raving about Spanx. You'd think we would just exercise or let it loose, but no, we are smart women because we want to spend a lot of money squishing ourselves into our modern-day corsets.
Antonella, that is good advice. I'm thinking of getting a stationery bike for my APARTMENT when I move. Spanx--if it's to make you look the way you are not, then be assured that it's synthetic.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | May 22, 2009 at 06:48 PM
The bike in the living room/bedroom is a good idea. To make a change like this, it has to be done in a way you can gradually start changing, but not hurting yourself in the process. Each year, when I first tried to change things, I would hurt myself by going overboard about it...be careful.
Posted by: morethananelectrician | May 23, 2009 at 04:09 AM
MTAE, I think it's more of a boy thing to go overboard, us girls (from my experience) seem to take a more measured approach, for good or for bad.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | May 23, 2009 at 06:07 PM
Did you ever take ballet? Plie, plie, plie. Of course, that will only work if you actually do it. Which is why it doesn't work for me, because I don't.
Posted by: Christine | May 25, 2009 at 11:18 AM
Christine, I like that idea--I just plie-d in the shower. That's what I like, exercise as part of life. Let's see if I do it past this afternoon.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | May 25, 2009 at 12:16 PM