Love Letters and Children’s Stories
Sidebar observation on Judge Sotomayor

Talking to a Daughter, or Two

Older daughter has been in California since May 16th, which would make it ten days. The weirdest thing for me about her not being here is having to speak to her on the phone. Since when do we speak to our children on the phone, except for the “Can you pick me up now?” type of conversation? It feels so distant; it really makes her physical absence so stark.

Not only do we talk on the phone, but we actually have conversations. Yes, we have had conversations since she moved to the opposite side of the country. And the other day, for the first time that I can remember because it was the first time ever, she asked me “How was your day?” and “What did you do today?” Could it be that I am becoming a person to her? Could it be that we are really on our way to that mature mother-daughter relationship? Granted, she may be bored, but still, she didn’t have to ask. Oh, happy, happy day to see that apparently we have managed to withstand the onslaught of exman, who has done his utmost to figuratively push me off a parenting cliff.

I was so excited by this development that I told younger daughter what her sister had said. And just to prove to me that she can be just as charming as her sister, when I came home the other day she asked me, “How was your day?” and “What did you do today?” Wit, what’s a conversation without wit? I guess I have succeeded, am succeeding.

What made you realize that your child has, indeed, absorbed some of your lessons or has moved to the next level of relationship with you?



Wow, a corner turned! Congratulations! My now 22-year old son and I have always been close. When he first went off to college he was calling me 5 times a day. Now it's more like once a week or less. Our corner turned the other way :)!

Savor what you get, when you get it!


Yay! What a victory for you. Maybe she needed some distance to really appreciate how much she loves and misses you.

My son's 11, so I look forward to our relationship evolving. Even now, I enjoy our conversations together, our time together, and marvel at how easy it is to talk with him. My hope is that we'll always be able to talk to each other.


When my daughter first left home, she would ring me and hang up. Then I would ring her so that it wouldn't cost her anything. At least she rang.

She's back at home at the moment, studying. So now we are back to her asking me to grab some tampons for her while I'm at the supermarket, and maybe some mascara while I'm at it. My shout of course.


Ummmm, could it be that Elder daughter is a little homesick? Could it be that Mother has changed now that the unrelenting, unbearably heavy weight is being lifted?
I have to tell you, though, once my sons left home we also developed these "new" adult relationships. And thank God my youngest was such a wise guy; without his charm and wit to keep me distracted,I probably would have cried for months. I really was terrible at empty nesting.
Now, I love seeing my kids but hubby and I have our own routines and eating habits, etc. So, we love to see them come and then we love to see them go home. :)


When I realized they actually enjoyed my company...
How delightful is that?
Great kids - I did something right. As did you!


You have rounded a corner. In so many ways.

Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

SimplyForties, savor indeed. The corner into a more adult relationship with one's kids is truly a corner you can't really prepare for or plan. It's one that they seem to be more in control of than ever before.

JC, I hope you guys don't have to change in order to go back to where you are today.

Brigit, I used to do that with my parents, way before the era of cellphones and calling plans. So we can only have sophisticated relationships with our kids when they are out of our home?

rockync, umm, a little of Column A and and Column B. I'm glad I have four more years of a half-empty nest. I'm looking forward to some time alone with younger daughter without her sister directing her.

Beth, how grand it is to be sought out not because of your wallet or keys, but your voice and insight.

Pseudo, no u-turns here. The great thing about turning a corner, you can't see behind you. At this point, that is just what I need--to only see in front of me.

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