Dating is Like Being a Politician
August 02, 2009
It just occurred to me that dating is like being a politician. Everything you type or say or do is scrutinized to the umpteenth degree. But whereas politicians are allowed their occasional moral lapses, daters are not. One incorrect comma or comment and you are voted out of contention. Photographs are the most damaging. Any inconsistencies with expectations of hair, height, and heft will cause you to not even get your name on the primary ballot.
I say this not only because I have suffered from backlashes, but because I seem to be as guilty as the press in highlighting lapses and forgetting about positives. Aren’t we supposed to be looking for the good in each other and not the bad? Or is fear of backing a losing candidate causing too many things to become red flags?
Now I just need to figure out how it is that so many politicians, once they get past the scrutiny and get elected, manage to have wives and girlfriends? Is this akin to money going to money? Or ice cream going to my thighs?
You have captured dating perfectly, it can be very stressful. I would look forward all week to that first date then spend the next few days forensically analysing every moment. I quite miss the excitement of it all though.
Posted by: The Last Post | August 02, 2009 at 04:32 AM
And the politicians have both wives and girlfriends!
Posted by: April | August 02, 2009 at 07:54 AM
I wasn't good at dating even back in the day. I would probably be even worse now.
Posted by: Pseudo | August 02, 2009 at 10:42 AM
I totally know what you're saying; I never believed those who said they enjoyed dating. I can understand some people prefer being single, but not the efforts to become unsingle.
Here's how I think politicians fit into the analogy. They're cocky pricks, yet exude charm. It's really an amazing quality some men have, my husband can do it. He'll be a total ass, even to other men and they love him. And men have this to their advantage in dating and politics, even the corporate world.
Women cannot play this game. A woman's confidence may help initially, but it's like blush. It's great but when there's too much, you just look like an idiot. Men can never wear too much blush.
Dating is like the suck. There'll always be casualties.
Posted by: Liz A. | August 02, 2009 at 12:15 PM
Laura, Laura, Laura... One need not have even the remotest interest in dating to fall under the glaring gaze of severe scrutiny. Often the simple act of saying 'Hello' triggers the eyes to flash up and down in a rapid assessment of (mostly incorrect) perceived value.
I would love to start dating again, because living alone can be a drag; I think it would be nice to find someone to share my geek-level interest in writing, cooking, bad B-movies and good sci-fi - and for as often as I am flooded with 'Romance Over 40' spam (as if someone out there knows something I don't) one might think it would be a simple task. It isn't.
I find that I have reached a 'Whatever' point and have officially stepped out of the game due to lack of interest. Unfortunately, the game continues even without my active participation, though I still browse from the sidelines from time to time. Not too long ago I had blogged about an incident which really just offended me to the point that I just shook my head in disbelief at being summarily judged. I think that was the point when I just threw in the towel.
I wonder if people see and catalogue the negatives first in order to create a buffer so they can use it as an excuse not to look closer...
Posted by: Geo | August 03, 2009 at 08:55 AM
TLP, I don't know if I would use exciting, "fraught" seems to fit with my experiences.
April, that's what I don't get--some get double and some get none. I guess it's a kind of balance, in a Wall Street kind of way.
Pseudo, it's sad. I just got an email from a man who decided that he is too plain for me. And this was after I told him that I saw Obama's motorcade today because he came to speak about Veteran Affiars at the campus where I'm taking a class. Really? That intimidates you? Glad to know this before I spent too much thought-energy on him.
Liz, I love your blush analogy. Some people's charm is other people's arrogance.
Geo, Geo, Geo. You are so right; the walls we build between ourselves are very hard to breach.
I keep thinking that I've thrown the towel in then I crawl back, hoping that I am not hoping in vain.
I am on the Christian Dating spam list.
Commiseration corner here.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | August 03, 2009 at 05:22 PM
Christian Dating spam list? Creepy. An old friend of mine - also Laura - who is deeply, deeply entrenched in the Lutheran church, sends me Christian Dating flyers and tells me that I 'need more joy' in my life. I tell her that, despite what she thinks she sees, there is 'joy.' Maybe not her definition of it in that whole Rapture sort of way, but I manage.
It's amazing how even people we know sometimes can't look beyond the rigid borders they have created for themselves...
Posted by: Geo | August 03, 2009 at 08:37 PM
Geo, is it that they can't see beyond the borders or won't even look, afraid that it might be nice out there, beyond the constrictions they have placed/or have had placed on themselves?
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | August 04, 2009 at 03:41 AM
Oh I am absolutely certain that a great deal of establishing borders, wearing blinders, or having some type of rigidly defined parameters has everything to do with a fear of success or fear of discovering that maybe something isn't so bad after...
Posted by: Geo | August 04, 2009 at 05:06 PM
Geo, or fear of discovering who you are without being told what to do and think and feel.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman | August 07, 2009 at 04:27 PM