Envy-Free at 51?
Missing Words: the Quandary of Being 50 Plus

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

Kenny is gone. He left five weeks ago. Maybe he’s in California. Maybe he’s in Oregon. I don’t know. I doubt I will ever know. I don’t think I will hear from him again. But who knows; after all, two years ago I heard from him after 28 years.

All was well, until it wasn’t.

It was wonderful, then it wasn’t.

Perhaps some romances are only meant to be temporary.

Perhaps some people are better alone than in a couple. 

I am sad that he left, but there’s also relief. I don’t have to feel bad when he withdraws into himself. And I don’t have to try to draw him out. He will take care of himself, and I will take care of myself.

But it is so sad. It was such a perfect romance. We had been friends, then we were lovers. I felt embraced by his love. But then it started feeling confining. But I couldn’t talk about that with him. He made so many sacrifices to be with me—shouldn’t I have been able to do more for him? I tried, yet once again I found myself trying to fulfill my partner’s needs rather than my own.

I have spent the last few weeks writing and thinking about Kenny and our relationship. I have realized that I need space and time to myself, and if I ever get in another relationship, we should each stay in our own apartments.

It’s funny, he said he was purely guided by his desire to make me happy, but that ended up not being as wonderful as it sounds. What if his efforts didn’t make me happy? What if I didn’t want to receive his efforts when he wanted to give them? It was sweet and it was bitter.

May he find joy in himself and in his life.



Hi there

I came to this page following a link where you mention what a bitter divorce means...I totally understand been thre done that...in my case though I married a good for nothing jerk (everyone knew but I seemed oblivious) because I wanted to prove a point to my arents, get away from them (I am from India so kids dont reeally ever get away unless married) and felt sorry coz he was hearing impaired. I loath myself more now that I loath him fr living with him, sleeping with him and giving birth to 2 kids. I dont have any communication wit him coz the very sght of him is sickening. And to think he actually walked away one day just before my daughter was born and the months following gave me the much needed insight..there was no need to tolerate this crap for the rest of my life. Through the 15 years we were together I earned, he sat at home, I did the housework he did nothing I wanted kids I had them looked after them and I am actually relieved that I had the insightfulness to get away now...otherwise what am I teaching my kids? I dont want my son to be like that jerk, I don want my daughter to get hooked with a man like him so i feel i set an example somewhere...now he is all bitter, defames me and the kids and wants nothing to do with me which I am good with. There .....my vent...but your article about what a bitter divorce means touched me. take care. Rina

Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman

Rina, thank you for reading and commenting. I'm glad that this connection to the experience of another woman who has suffered from a bitter marriage and bitter divorce has helped you. How good it is to realize that that man is in your past! A lesson to your kids--that's also what motivated me. I didn't want my daughters to think that the way their father talked to me was acceptable; I didn't want to start an ugly family tradition.

I can't imagine how hard it must be for you in India to be divorced.

All the best to you, Laura

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