Flowers for Me
January 06, 2019
As a rule, I don’t buy bouquets of flowers for myself. Occasionally I’ll buy a flowering plant that I can replant or expect to last long enough for me to feel that I got enough flowering out of the investment. But sometimes when I look over at the bouquets in the supermarket, I wish I would just splurge and get a bouquet, leaving aside rationalizations why not to purchase and just let myself go for ephemeral beauty. It’s hard to splurge on myself, and it’s not just about wanting to save, or rather not to spend, but that I have a hard time convincing myself that not everything needs to pass a purpose test.
While this is clearly not a serious problem at this time of national turmoil and humiliation seeping down from the top, it does get to a self-punishing mentality from which I occasionally need a break. Even when I get together with friends nowadays, we commiserate and rant about the administration, then re-gain ourselves and declare a need for a break. Then we back down from disgust and get into the details of our lives.
The other day I was in Trader Joe’s when I thought that I needed to do something different. Defiantly I stood before the buckets of bouquets and forced myself to find a bunch. It wasn’t to fulfill a resolution, it was more that I needed a break from my sternness. When I got to the cashier, one of the flowers in the bunch fell apart, so I went back for another bunch. That’s when I saw the packages of 20 tulips in brown paper. The decision this time was instantaneous: the dark purple closed blossoms. This time I wasn’t being defiant, I felt graced by their beauty. It was about appreciation, not a lesson.
It is good sometimes, isn’t it, to simply let ourselves remember that truth is not always in words or explanations. It can be found in those generally unacknowledged connections that exert pressure on our hearts through our senses. It’s true especially now, isn’t it, that we need to remind ourselves that hearts connect through webs of compassion as fully as flowers bloom.
Laura,
your post is a good reminder that sometimes we need to just appreciate the beauty that exists in the world. We become so oppressed by its ugliness; it's hard to see sometimes that which is beautiful.
I told myself once I would treat myself to cut flowers, but I don't follow up. It does feel like such an extravagance--like we're not worth the five to ten dollars for the bouquet? That's so wrong.
Maybe something to add to my new year's reflections.
(The tulips are so lovely.)
Posted by: Margaret | January 07, 2019 at 06:34 PM
End of quarter busy made me miss your comment.
I always did the money calculation too, but isn't it about a simple treating the self without getting anything back except beauty? I've decided to splurge more often. Made me smile each time I looked at them, even if they did droop.
Posted by: Laura of Rebellious Thoughts of a woman | January 21, 2019 at 11:05 AM